


Living In Lucid Dreams

by Hildigunnur



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, F/M, Infidelity, M/M, also not AU but only for a brief moment, but not between Jensen and Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-09
Updated: 2009-07-09
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:38:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hildigunnur/pseuds/Hildigunnur
Summary: A malfunctioning garage door gives Jensen Ackles, an aimless Dallas office worker, a brief taste as his life as a TV star, and more importantly, gives him a glimpse of Jared Padalecki, the man of his dreams. How is Jensen going to find Jared in a world where they are both just regular Joes?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for SPN-J2 Big Bang 2009. Art by tipitina. Beta-ed by sarka. The title comes from Frans Ferdinand's song, Lucid Dreams.
> 
> Cookiemom6067 recorded a [podfic](http://www.audiofic.jinjurly.com/living-in-lucid-dreams).
> 
>  

Jensen pressed the button on the little gadget repeatedly. That freaking garage door opener, it had worked just a minute ago when he drove his car inside and now it flatly refused to work; breaking down like everything else in the goddamn house. Was it last week when he had to change the faucet in the kitchen sink?

He would probably have to use good old brute force to close the garage this time. Standing under the door, he grabbed the handle and pulled. The door was still stuck. He swore under his breath and pulled again, harder. It was still stuck. Typical. He looked up to see whether something was jamming it and then pulled just a little bit to see if he could get it moving.

The door descended upon him like a missile from the sky and struck him on his forehead. He heard the thump as his vision begin to swim, before everything turned black.

+++

 

The first thought in his mind was that he was dead. Death by a garage door. _Jensen, you shithead, what a perfect way for you to go._ Without opening his eyes he knew he was bathed in bright light, and it felt more like sunlight than some harsh fluorescent lighting at a hospital. Plus, there was no splitting headache or throbbing. No, he was dead. _Wonderful, just great._ Two weeks before his life insurance policy would have kicked in. His family would certainly curse him for leaving them with the mortgage on that shack he called his house. 

Maybe he should try to open his eyes and see what the afterlife had to offer. Maybe it was this boring light of love one of Steve’s old girlfriends had gone on and on about. Or maybe the afterlife wouldn't be so bad – he probably wouldn’t have to go to work there – or maybe he was in hell. Prying one eye open, he stared straight up into a painted ceiling with stained glass fixture lighting. Where the hell was he? 

He dared opening both eyes, still looking up at the ceiling. Moving his fingers a little, he felt them rub against a sheet. A sheet that was a lot nicer to the touch than anything he owned. This was also a pretty comfortable bed he was lying in; the mattress wasn’t sagging in the middle like it did in his own bed. 

What had happened? Had someone found him knocked out and decided to move him to their place instead of his own bedroom? 

Turning his head to the left in order to inspect his surroundings further he became acutely aware that he wasn’t alone in the room. Or in the bed as a matter of fact. 

_Fuck. Fuckity Fuck._

This couldn’t be good. At all. 

With his heart beating almost in his throat, he raised himself up onto his elbows to take a better look at the person sharing his bed.

It was a guy, who was thankfully fast asleep. A hot guy fast asleep. Not that Jensen considered himself gay or anything. He just liked looking at hot guys and he really couldn’t get enough of this sleeping beauty. Raking his gaze over the guy’s sculpted chest, narrow waist, and handsome face, he was struck with the desire to see the guy awake, see that body in motion and see that face animated.

He sat up fast. There he was, not knowing where on earth he was and he's perving over some poor guy. He had to find a phone, get his bearings. 

Rising from the bed he realized that he was naked. Quickly he blocked out the thought that he’d been lying naked in a bed with another man. Now wasn’t the time. There were some clothes on a chair and he pulled on a pair of faded Levi's and some fancy designer t-shirt that probably cost his week's salary. 

Looking into a large mirror hanging on the wall he surveyed himself: still Jensen Ackles for the most part, but that was a new haircut he had going on there. His hair hadn’t been this short in ages. His forearms looked rather buff, like he’d been doing a spot of lifting, which was something he’d never done in his life. 

What the hell had happen? Had he suffered memory loss or something?

Tiptoeing out of the bedroom, he inspected his surroundings for any bit of familiarity. Not that he could hope for much as he walked down a long hallway. He didn’t dare to open any locked doors in case there were more people there. The sleeping guy freaked him out enough as it were. Weren’t there any goddamn telephones anywhere in this house?

Instead he found some sort of a den or a TV lounge, sporting a huge, honking plasma screen, hooked up to at least two kinds of game computers, not to mention all kinds of other equipment hooked up with it. He couldn’t help but salivate a bit, seeing how he could hardly even afford cable. 

Nestled between the biggest lazy boy chairs he’d ever seen was a coffee table, strewn with remotes, game controls, candy wrappers and magazines. He started rummaging around, hoping he might unearth a cell phone underneath all the mess.

Pulling aside a magazine, he looked at the cover and right at his own face, though granted, with a strange look upon it he was certain he never had. There was someone else on the cover and it had to be the sleeping beauty. Blazoned over their picture was the caption; “Jensen & Jared.” So the sleeping beauty had a name. But why did a magazine have them on the cover? And he’d never seen the title before: “Supernatural.” _Oh god, please don’t be one of these UFO sighting magazines that Lindberg, my roommate from college, used to read._ It was enough to wake up next to a strange guy and not knowing where he was. Extra freakiness was really not required.

He leafed through the magazine and even though he was only able to comprehend a sentence here and there, it appeared that he and that Jared kid were stars of some TV show.

He, Jensen Ross Ackles, an actor? He who had spent most of his life being so shy that the mere thought of standing in front of people, doing whatever, made him break out in hives?

Soon enough he’d abandoned the magazine to continue his search for a phone. His search let him downstairs to a huge kitchen – that thing could fit in a restaurant. And there he finally found what he’d been looking for. There were couple of cell phones on the kitchen table; one of them was being charged so he grabbed the other one. It looked sleek and expensive and he panicked. With fumbling fingers he tried to remember his parents’ number but only got the message that the number he was calling had been disconnected. He tried his best to remember any phone numbers at all, but all he remembered was the number of some home shopping channel that sold flexible chopping boards that came with a free set of ginsu knives.

Poking harder at the phone he tried for its list of contacts, hoping against hope that it might contain the number of the local police or some other authority that could shed a light on his predicament. He rolled through what seemed an endless list of names until he came to a halt in the “Js”. There was a Jared listed there, wouldn’t do much good to call sleeping beauty upstairs. But then there was a Josh listed. 

_Please let it be my brother._

“Yes?” The voice in the phone sounded grumpy but it sure sounded like his brother.

“It’s Jensen. Something really weird has happened. I don’t know where the hell I am.”

“And you decided to make a call to me? Me who is in Dallas?” 

“Uh, yeah. Why not?” _What, I’m not in Dallas? Where the hell am I?_

“Are you drunk or high or something? Last time I knew, yesterday in fact, you were in Vancouver. You know Vancouver? In Canada where you live now and your job is and all?”

 _Vancouver?!? Oh, the fucking fuck._

“So my job … in Vancouver. How long exactly have I been here?”

“What shit have you been taking? Have you lost your mind, kid?”

“No, no, it’s just … don’t mind, Josh. I’ll figure something out. Hear from you later.” He pushed the red button on the cell to end the call. 

How on earth had he gone from being a normal Texan guy with a boring desk job to an actor in a TV show shot in Vancouver? And make that an actor who seemingly slept with his male co-star. Had his memory been wiped clean? 

Putting down the cell phone he noticed the date on the screen; 7th of September 2008. 

That was today. The day he’d gone to church and then returned home only to have a garage door knock him out.

He felt dizzy – he was probably the only one who was in on what was happening here and as he saw it, he had to deal if he didn’t want to be shipped off to an institution to be locked in a padded cell. 

So, Jensen Ackles, the TV star? The mere thought of acting made him sick to his stomach but if he was going to suck it up, being shy wasn’t an option.

Maybe he should check out the TV lounge again, there might be examples of his supposed work there.

There were shelves full of DVDs and even a few VHS tapes in the TV lounge. Jensen thought it was best to start with the show that he was supposed to be doing at the moment.

He grabbed one of the Supernatural DVDs at random and put it into what he believed was the DVD player. Soon enough the menu came up on the screen with a picture of what appeared to be himself and the sleeping beauty, both with narrowed eyes. Dear god, am I pouting? 

Selecting the episode option he saw immediately that he had to watch the episode titled “The Magnificent Seven.” He loved the film. Maybe this was some kind of a cowboy thing, he’d love that.

Unfortunately the episode didn’t begin with him riding on his horse but some poor guy putting out his trash when he got jumped by a scary storm cloud.

Soon he showed up on the screen in a white tank top, sexing up some girl, and then he was driving this huge old black car, Chevy or something. Damn, his character appeared to be a cocky bastard, but he had a gun which was cool, despite him then getting his ass kicked by that bald black guy.

Then he kind of forgot he was watching himself, especially since his onscreen character was so vastly different from himself, and got engrossed in what he was watching. 

“I think the only reason you watch this episode again and again is that you love how Sam looks at Dean.”

Jensen sat up straight in the lazy boy he’d been occupying. Sleeping Beauty was up.

“Yeah?” He said and tried to act as nonchalant as he possibly could.

“Shot a week before our first hook-up? Don’t pretend you don’t remember. Even if you went around for months pretending it didn’t happen.” Jared had obviously rolled out of bed as he was, completely naked, and now he was leaning over Jensen, with a look on his face that had to be described as leering. His face was only inches away from Jensen’s, his tongue darting over his lips, making them shiny and wet. 

He was absolutely mesmerized by Jared’s darting tongue. Every muscle in his body was completely frozen still, even as Jared’s lips touched his.

Jensen’s mind was, however, not still. _Oh lord, I’m kissing a guy. I’m kissing a ridiculously hot guy who believes he’s kissing his long-time boyfriend or something._

At the same time he was in the thrall of sheer panic, he was also experiencing something he could only define as lust. Especially as Jared was pulling him up from the chair and pressing his body, his naked body, flush against him. 

“Take it back to the bedroom, please? We can’t go replacing the chair every other month, can we?” Jensen felt Jared’s hot breath against his ear. For a fleeting moment he wondered what the hell they’d done to the chairs before but then Jared gripped his forearm tightly, tugging him, leading him back down the corridor to the bedroom.

_Like a lamb to the slaughter._

He couldn’t deny the fact that he’s aroused, his dick half-hard, rubbing against the fabric of the jeans he was wearing and his lips all tingly after being kissed by Jared. No more than he could deny the fact that he’s absolutely terrified. There was the small problem of him never having been with a guy before; in fact it's been a while since he’s been with anyone, period. Perhaps this would just be a question of him lying there, thinking of Texas. He swallowed; that Jared guy was big in every way, that much he’d noticed when their bodies had been pressed together.

That hallway which appeared so long really wasn’t that long. All too soon, in Jensen’s estimation, they’d reached the bedroom. Few feet in and Jensen froze: he could just as well have turned into a pillar of salt like Lot’s wife.

“Jensen, what’s this about? I thought we were going to have sex, not a pose-off.”

Jared had turned to him, in his naked glory, obviously quite ready to get to the sex right away. It was a sight to behold, even if you were a terrified guy who had just been coming from church two hours ago, and due to a run-in with a garage door had magically been transported thousands of miles into an alternate universe.

He had once heard that life came down to a few decisions, but why did he have to make one of them now? If he was stuck like this forever it would be a pretty bad idea to panic and run away from his lover and co-worker - but it wasn’t often that his virgin ass was on the line. 

_OK, it’s not like I haven’t fantasized about other guys but those were fantasies. I thought the closest I’d ever come to being with a guy would jerking off over a picture spread in Men’s Health._

“You are driving me crazy.” Obviously tired of waiting, Jared stalked over to him and demonstrated the fact that he was a huge, muscled man, and despite Jensen never having thought himself a pixie, he was swept up – or more like swept off his feet. He wouldn’t have believed it but it was strangely comforting to be held like that, and he almost forgot he was in fact scared out of his wits. In one smooth motion, Jared had them both lying on the bed, turning himself to face Jensen who was lying on his back.  
There was something in Jared’s eyes that made Jensen warm deep down in his belly, slowly quenching his terror: at least the terror of possibly having the rather impressive dick of another man up his ass.

What remained was the question of what exactly he was supposed to do. _Why the hell was I always too scared to download gay porn? At least I’d have some idea._

Oblivious to what was going on with Jensen, Jared was deftly buttoning down the fly on the jeans with one hand while using the other to push up the t-shirt and pull it off him. 

He felt exposed, like a scaly reptile turned over to reveal a soft underside, feeling one of Jared’s big hands on his belly while he was busying himself with the other, pushing down the jeans around Jensen’s hips. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried his best to forget the fact of how close various parts of Jared were to his cock. His body, however, had no intention of forgetting that particular fact and like a heat-seeking missile, he’d twisted himself so he was flush against Jared who had pulled himself up and was sucking hard on Jensen’s tongue.

The thoughts in his mind were an absolute jumble. There was his body, responding to all those little delicious things Jared was doing to him; to another guy touching him, kissing him. He was about to have sex with another man. Another man who happened to be a living, breathing Adonis. 

“Jen, want you so much.” Jared’s breathy words shot straight to his groin and his previously half-hard dick was now standing at full mast.

_God, I’m pathetic. Someone only needs to tell me they want me and suddenly I’m all eager and keen and ready to spread for them._

Jared had embraced him and was kissing him again with his obscenely talented mouth. It was nice, but it was also strange change to be kissed. Every girl he’d ever kissed had expected him to do all the work, and frankly it was usually boring to kiss unmoving, slack lips. This was aggressive, Jared’s demanding lips had him responding the same way.

Though Jensen would have happily disappeared into a world that consisted only of their mouths, he was aware, all too aware, of lying very naked against another naked body. He could feel Jared’s hardness pushing into his hip, and he felt his own dick slide against Jared’s belly, feeling how it was already oozing pre-come.

As a matter of fact, he was aching for some friction, someone to touch him, and if his fingers weren't currently all tangled up in the ridiculously soft mop of hair on Jared’s head, he’d be doing the honors himself. Twisting slightly, he aimed for another angle to Jared’s body, something that would give him the much needed friction.

As luck would have it, someone appeared to read minds. Jared freed the arm that had been lodged under Jensen and had his cock in his hand; his giant, calloused hand. And Jensen couldn’t help but arch into the touch, so different from his own hands, which almost seemed dainty in comparison. Then Jared started to jerk him off in earnest, smoothing the pad of his thumb over the head, smearing the pre-come and moving his hand up and down the shaft, keeping the pressure just right. _Jesus in heaven, either all guys like to have their dicks touched in exactly the same way or this is the thousandth time or something he is doing this._

Jensen couldn’t help but find it incredibly hot. Someone like Jared, someone who probably could get anyone to bed him, had wanted to be with him – well, someone who looked exactly like him.

All too soon he felt the familiar pressure of oncoming climax and he almost groaned in frustration. He wanted more of Jared’s hand on him, touching him so expertly. His breathing was coming in huffs and the occasional gasps. 

As Jared moved his hand away, almost at the last moment, Jensen couldn’t help but groan at the loss of touch. The next thing he knew, Jared’s hands were on his hips, pulling him higher in the bed and _oh godgod fuckfuck_ his cock was disappearing between Jared’s lips and into the wet heat of his mouth. Jensen had been pulled high enough to see exactly what was happening. It had to be the single most erotic thing he’d ever witnessed; to see his dick disappear into that gorgeous mouth - a mouth that contained the most incredible tongue in the world, Jared’s tongue, which was currently dipping into the slit on the crown on his dick. Perhaps it was a cliché of the highest degree but Jensen could swear that new vistas were opening up to him. He’d had blowjobs before but they hadn’t been anything to write home about; the girls involved had merely slobbered all over him. None of them had come close to looking like a wanton sex god, like Jared looked now, his cheeks hollowing with the effort of blowing him.

Jared was looking at him, his hazel eyes smoldering, as he moved to cup his balls, his touch a new feeling he felt almost burn up his spine. He was going to die a sweet death right there and then. _This would be a much nicer way to die than to have my head split open by a garage door._

The torture wasn’t over: Jared with his magic fingers had more tricks in his arsenal. Momentarily he slipped Jensen’s dick out of his mouth and reached with his long arms to the nightstand, grabbing something from there, a bottle of some kind that he opened with his teeth before sucking Jensen’s cock back into his mouth. Clear liquid came pouring out of the bottle and Jared seemed careful to coat his fingers while still working his tongue up and down the underside of Jensen’s dick. It slowly dawned on Jensen’s lust-addled brain what exactly was in the bottle and now all over Jared’s long fingers. _A bit slow on the uptake there, Jensen._

He tried his utmost to concentrate on how wonderful Jared’s mouth felt on his dick and not think about what he was going to do with his lubed up fingers but Jensen failed. As the slick fingers touched him, he flinched.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I think we must have finished the self-heating lube.”

_Yeah, because the coolness is the problem._

With great determination, because the last thing he wanted was to appear like the scared ass virgin he was, he willed the muscles in his thighs to relax and forced his legs to fall open. Clearly that amounted to an invitation for Jared to push one long finger into his anus. The ring of muscle strained tight and Jensen wasn’t sure how one could relax those particular muscles consciously. Inhaling deeply and exhaling, he tried his best to unclench his fists, soften his stomach muscles and simply allow himself to sink into the mattress underneath him.

Maybe it was only a matter of seconds, or maybe it was a matter of eons but he felt himself loosen up; he’d stopped trying to squeeze Jared’s finger apart and obviously that was enough for another finger to be added.

Lifting his head, Jared let Jensen’s cock slip out of his mouth, almost making Jensen whine at the loss.

“Shit, you’re tight, man. Did I dream fucking you last night? Almost like a virgin.” Jared’s voice was growly and made Jensen absolutely light-headed as the little blood there had been in his head rushed downwards.

Having Jared’s fingers inside him felt weird, though it wasn’t exactly painful. The dull ache he felt as the muscles slowly gave way seemed to be waking up nerve-endings he didn’t know he had. All he was conscious of were those new sensations, the rest of his body was as good as forgotten to him.

The loss of Jared’s fingers was sudden and the lingering feeling of emptiness would have had him almost screaming in frustration if Jared hadn’t started crawling up his body like a big, hulking predator. Maybe he should have become scared again but his body had taken control, screaming to be filled. He swallowed just as Jared’s face hovered over his, the eyes obviously burning with lust. Without being sure he had the right, he begged.

“Please.”

A smile played upon Jared’s lips, a smile unlike any other Jensen had ever witnessed. If he hadn’t been lying on his back, pinned down by a large, male body, that smile would have caused him to walk more upright, with a certain spring in his step. That gorgeous man wanted to fuck him. It was awesome.

Jared’s smile hadn’t been an empty promise. With one hand he managed to slick himself up, holding the lube bottle between his teeth, while still being braced over Jensen. The image of Jared’s teeth around the bottle, the liquid leaking over his hand was still etched upon Jensen’s vision when he felt his legs being pushed up and apart. It was like his brain was lagging: he could feel what was happening to him but it wasn’t connecting completely. 

He was aware of Jared’s broad shoulders pushing into the back of his knees, his feet dangling on each side of Jared’s head and a pillow being stuffed under his behind but the haze of his mind was still consuming him.

Then it happened and the haze cleared up like a Texan sky after a rainy morning. Jared was pushing into him and his whole world became that burn in his muscles as Jared pushed further in. There were sounds coming out of his mouth, originating somewhere deep within him, guttural. He was unaware of them, all he felt was that burning stretch, a painful burn and still somehow carrying the promise of pleasure.

“So tight, Jen. So fucking tight.” Jared’s voice sound almost strangled. “Feels so good.”

Then he was full and nothing else mattered.

Until Jared pulled back and he was suddenly feeling so empty. A feeling that lasted for a few heartbeats until Jared slammed back into him, crushing all the air out of his lungs along the way.

The world was contained in that rhythm of pull and slam, of full and empty, of burning pain, of pleasure that felt like almost like pins and needles. He had no fucking clue what his name was or where he was. It was all fucking and Jared.

And then Jared’s big hand on his cock and his hoarse whispering; “Come for me, I want to see you come ‘cause you’re fucking beautiful when you come.”

Jared tugged at his dick with a twist, thumbing the head and Jensen had no idea whether he’d been hard at all before, all he knew that he was rock-hard now.

The onslaught of sensations had him tipped at the brink. The rhythm and the burning pleasurepain of Jared thrusting into him and the way he was stroking his dick, making the sensitive nerve endings practically scream. His body grew taut, his legs almost lifting Jared off him and then he screamed as he came.

As the concept of time and space was quite lost on him, he had no idea whether his orgasm had lasted a fraction of second or some period of time that could only be described using a timeline. All he knew was that suddenly Jared was having an orgasm as well. Because of him. Jared’s face was all scrunched up and he was groaning – a deep animalistic growl. All because of him.

Instinctively he’d moved his legs down from Jared’s shoulders. For a couple of seconds, with Jared half-crushing him, thoughts of extreme awkwardness appeared within his regained consciousness. _Is this the part where we cuddle or don’t two guys do that?_

His frame of reference was certainly lacking – his fumbling encounters with the few girls he’d slept with had been exactly that: fumbling, where couple of the girls had been some sort of human octopuses, one had kicked him out of her bed (seriously, he had a bruise on his ass for a week) and then there had been those times where they had just lain next to each other afterwards, feeling like the whole world was seeing them naked. 

Jared clearly wasn’t feeling like he was being laid bare in plain sight. A content smile played on his lips as he pulled Jensen to him and rolled them over. Two guys could apparently cuddle and it felt nice and Jared’s sturdy arms didn’t feel at all like octopus tentacles. It felt like bliss, true blue post-coital bliss. Lying on Jared’s chest, with his cheek right above where his heart was, Jensen could feel the heartbeat drop to a slower tempo.

“That was so intense.” He felt the vibration from Jared’s voice and wanted to respond, but his ability to speak was a little lost, so all he could do was nod.

“It’s like I just met a new part of you, Jen. I’ve never met the shy, fresh-faced Texas boy in bed.”

Jensen didn’t dare look up at Jared. Jesus, was the man a mind-reader on top of the whole sex god thing? _Yeah, you just met the freaking shy, fresh-faced, ASS VIRGIN Texas boy in bed ‘cause you just had a different Jensen who was all that._

Despite feeling a bit agitated, the cuddling felt nice, really nice. He didn’t want to say it was like being home but it felt familiar and he could even imagine being totally at ease with it.

Pretty sure his sense of time was all shot to hell, Jensen allowed his mind to drift. He could possibly find it within himself to panic a little more; they weren’t going to spend all eternity in this bed. His mind refused, however, maybe in a fit of self-preservation, to extend itself outside of the house. Unknowingly he pressed his right palm to Jared’s chest.

“Jen, anything wrong?”

“Uh, no. Just … want to be like this forever.”

“Yeah, if only that would pay the bills. Seriously, though what’s the time?”

Jared pulled himself up and reached for the alarm on the night stand.

“Oh, shit. Cliff will be here in like five with the dogs. I promised that I wouldn’t be totally zoned out.” Jared scrambled off the bed and Jensen tumbled sideways.

“Oh man, I don’t have time to take a shower.” Jared seemed to be frantically babbling as he tore apart piles of clothing in search of something. “Jen, you can hit the shower and maybe I can sneak to take one later. Can’t go reeking of sex all day.”

Jared disappeared out of the bedroom just as the sound of a door being shut resonated through the house, followed by rampageous barking.

Deciding to take Jared up on his advice Jensen made his way to the bathroom. He wasn’t entirely sure if people could reek of sex as such but he was sweaty and sticky and feeling unbelievably weird. 

Stepping into the enormous shower, he wondered exactly how much more money he would have to earn to have be able to install such a thing at his house. Maybe he would never have to worry about that anymore – not if he’d now magically turned into Jensen Ackles, the TV star. No almost run-down house with a mortgage, no office slave job, no long-standing sense of overwhelming failure.

Except he seemed to have arrived somewhere in the middle of this supposedly fabulous life and it was exactly like turning on the TV and landing in the middle of a movie or a show and not having a clue what was going on. Still, the task at hand was to have a shower and he was going tackle that before anything else. 

The water cascaded over him in a way that made him think that this had to be the best shower in the world. No following around a trickle of lukewarm water, this was rather like a freaking waterfall. This he might get used to. Other stuff might follow later. 

As he started to wash himself with some shower gel he found there, he made a startling realization. _Shit, I’m shaved … like completely shaved. I so didn’t notice earlier._ He’d always thought that only dudes in boybands and maybe Olympic swimmers shaved every inch of body hair but apparently TV stars with hot boyfriends did that as well. His happy trail and all of his pubic hair had vanished. Touching his balls, he gasped when he felt the smooth softness. How could he have not noticed, even despite an incredible blowjob and then some mindblowing ass fucking? Thinking of ass. Running his hand down his backside, he definitely felt just how tender and sore he was. There was no chance he was going to be able to sit properly for the next few days but that was probably the universe’s way of keeping the balance. That kind of awesome sex had to come at a price.

The awesome sex had also made him hungry so he didn’t linger too long in the shower. TV stars had to eat as well. After drying off and finding clothes, he ventured to find the kitchen again. 

Jared was in the kitchen, talking to some huge guy. The huge guy also seemed to have brought food because there was take-away coffee on the kitchen counter and paper bags that seemed to stem from a bakery. Jensen’s mouth watered and he made a beeline for the baked goods. Just as he reached for a bag that looked like it contained chocolate éclairs, Jared shouted something out. He couldn’t really hear what it was, because suddenly his world was full of dog, a big, slobbering dog that seemed intent on licking him to death. The dog jumped up and the surprise unbalanced Jensen, tipping him backwards with no chance to brace himself against the fall. His head fell backwards onto the tiled floor and he felt the impact vibrate pain throughout his skull before everything turned black.


	2. Chapter 2

Bright light played upon his eyelids, threatening to sting his eyes. There was a dull thrumming in his head and his forehead ached which was strange as he had hit the back of his head on the floor. Prying one eye open he felt harsh fluorescent lighting hit his eye so he closed it quickly again. 

Someone was holding his hand, someone with small and soft hands and that someone spoke.

“Jensen, are you awake?”

His mother. What was his mother doing there?

 _The garage door, you idiot._ Which would explain why his forehead was hurting?. Didn’t explain much else except for the presence of his mother.

“Yeah, I’m awake,” he said groggily. “Where am I?”

“At the hospital. Josh found you on the floor of the garage. The door must have knocked you out when you were putting away your car after church.”

“Wait, what day is it? What’s the time?” 

“Sunday, the 7th of September. I think it’s just past four in the afternoon. I can ask a nurse … actually I should alert the doctor that you’re awake.” She rushed out and he was left there in the hospital bed. They hadn’t hooked him up with anything, thank god; he hated IVs and all that other crap. And it wasn’t like he didn’t have enough on his mind already. Nice, not having the frustration of being bound to a hospital bed as well.

 _Seriously, what had happened? Did I just have the most intense sex dream of all time while I was knocked out?_ It didn’t make any sense. He’s been knocked out before and he didn’t remember any super-realistic dreaming going on then. It didn’t feel like he’d come into the hospital sheets or anything. That would have been embarrassing to say the least.

As he was about to slip his hand under the covers to check whether there were any tell-tale signs, or if he had the bodily aches he’d felt before in the dream that might or mightn’t have been a dream, his mother and the doctor came into the room.

“I think we can discharge you, Mr. Ackles. Your head seems to be made of hard stuff, you didn’t even have a concussion. I advise you to take it easy for the next couple of days, call in sick at work and try not to have your garage door knock you out again.”

+++

 

“Dude, you could have called!”

Jensen looked up from the football game on TV. Chris was standing in the middle of the living room – he had obviously used some kind of über-stealth to get in. He did have a key hidden in a flower pot on the porch and Chris knew all about it, but that didn’t explain how he had managed to make himself unheard. Until now that was. Chris and dulcet tones shouldn’t be used in the same sentence.

“I … just … you know how it is.”

“Dude, we could have hung out today or something. You must have squeezed out a sick day.”

“Are you telling me you were up before five this afternoon?” Chris was a notorious night-owl, especially when he wasn’t working on something that needed his attention during the day. 

“Hmm, you got me there. Who is playing?”

“The Packers and the Vikings.”

“For the love of football, Jen, turn it off. Did the garage door knock half your brain out?”

“Shit, Chris, no. And how come you know?” 

“Your brother texted me earlier. Called you Knock Out Boy so I had to press for details.” 

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the pun. Josh had been all too amused that he’d lost a fight with a garage door. His brother was a great guy but he was still careful to frequently remind Jensen who was the older brother.

Chris sat down on the sofa as Jensen turned off the game and shoved his hand right into the popcorn bowl on the table. 

“So, tell me of this epic battle between you and your garage door. Was it heroic?” Chris asked through the mouthful of popcorn.

“It was stuck and it hit me on the forehead. I was knocked out. That’s it. And yeah, I’ve this huge bump on my head as you must see.” He couldn’t look straight at Chris. Despite his laidback attitude, Chris was always pretty good at reading people and seeing how he’d known Jensen since they were kids, he would know that there was something on his mind.

The entire day - actually every waking moment since he’d got home from the hospital - he had been thinking about that dream, or whatever the hell it had been he’d experienced while being knocked out. He kept reliving the sex over and over again, each time remembering a different sensation but above all, the dream man, Jared, appeared to have moved into his mind permanently. The tall frame, the long and sculpted muscles, the bright smile – everything about him was etched into Jensen’s memory.

“OK. You got knocked out. Big deal. Then why the hell are you staring down at your toes like you just smashed my favorite guitar by sitting on it? Don’t tell me you did it on purpose?”

“Of course not. If I wanted to kill myself, I would have found a more effective way.”

“Sheez, Jen, I know that. I was thinking more along the lines of insurance fraud.”

A dry sort of laughter escaped from Jensen’s throat.

“You think I’m that desperate? That strapped for cash? They do pay me.”

“It’s just … I know this isn’t what you want most.”

Chris had never liked the idea of Jensen buying the house. He had told him beforehand that it was the sort of house that someone who wanted a fixer-upper would want, not someone like Jensen who always managed to find his thumbs in a painful manner when he swung a hammer.

The whole thing with investing in real estate, the whole thing about no longer renting dank apartments and keeping most of his possessions in cardboard boxes had been his attempt to grow up. An attempt to find out who he really was. Chris had been right about the house not being the solution to that particular problem. Still, it appeased Jensen because he knew his parents felt like he was finally becoming an adult, at the ripe age of thirty, and taking some responsibility.

The thing was that he’d never known what he wanted most. It was the big reason why he’d dropped out of college – though flunking theoretical physics twice had also been a deciding factor. It was also the reason why he’d never settled down with anyone. In fact, one of his exes, Jessica, had dumped him on the grounds that he was too wishy-washy.

And now his mind was full of some ideal it had concocted and if he’d allow himself, he’d feel the want, but he couldn’t. It was so stupid and ridiculous to get hooked up on the delusions of one’s mind.

Still avoiding Chris’s eyes, he started fiddling with the TV remote, knowing all too well that Chris could turn up the heat on him and give him the third degree about the state of Jensen.

“Ok, what are you not telling me then?” Chris had planted himself on the couch. 

“It’s nothing,” Jensen said, more to the remote than to Chris’s face.

“Please drop the act – tell me, even if you were trying to kill yourself just so you wouldn’t have to look at my ugly face again.”

“Chris, please, drop this.” He was bursting to tell someone but he knew what it would sound like and even if he would trust Chris with his life, Chris might think the best course of action to preserve that life would be to lock him up in a paddled cell.

“Jensen, no. Tell me. I know you are bursting to tell me something. It’s not like I met you yesterday. I know you.”

It was hard to keep up his resolve around Chris. 

“Alright, I can try to tell you but you’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“Jen, just tell me. You’ve decided you’ll get a magical high via your garage door or something? Dude, it’s not that hard to score some weed.”

“The garage door hitting me on the head, that was an accident. The damn thing is breaking down, like every other thing in my house. You see, it’s more about me being knocked out.”

“You were knocked out, big deal. Don’t tell me that some punk violated you or something before anyone came around who could bring you to the hospital?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle. From a certain perspective, the dream or whatever could be interpreted that way.

“Not quite, Chris, not quite. It’s more like I had the most intense and vivid dream I’ve ever experienced.”

“While you were unconscious? I’ve been knocked out and it was all lights out for me. No dreaming of any sort.”

“That’s one of the things that are bugging me, but it's the contents of the dream or whatever the hell it was that’s eating me now.”

Telling Chris was hard. It was a lot harder than describing to him in detail what had gone down when he lost his virginity, and that had been painful and embarrassing enough, seeing how Lauren had been the girl who had kicked him out of bed after the deed, kick-starting his awkwardness about all things post-coital. Until the dream – or whatever it was. He did skimp on the details but managed to relay that it had been the best sex he’d ever had, awake, sleeping or in a coma. And of course, the fact that he couldn’t get the dream man out of his head.

Chris was silent for few minutes after Jensen had uttered, “yeah, and then I woke up in the hospital.” His face was unreadable and Jensen felt his stomach clench with uneasiness. It wasn’t that Chris was some homophobic close-minded guy or anything, but it probably wasn’t every day that his best friend told him about having vivid homoerotic fantasizes, especially when said friend had been presumably straight all the time they’d known each other.

“So you're all hung up on some guy who doesn’t exist except inside of your head?”

“Um, yeah. But … I kind of found him on Facebook.”

“Jensen, are you insane? I mean, don’t tell me you found some TV actor’s Facebook profile, someone I’ve never heard of and should actually only exist inside your head?”

“How many men named Jared Padalecki can there be in the world? And I actually don’t think he’s a TV actor. Well, there isn’t a lot on his Facebook profile except his friends keep throwing cows at him and giving him pictures of dogs and there are two pictures I could see of him and he looks a lot like the guy … the dream guy.”

“Ok, how about personal information? You know, his relationship status, his hometown, his job – that sort of thing?”

“I think it’s all set to friends only or something. I wish I knew how to hack a Facebook profile. Or just get more information on the guy.”

“I’m always the one to tell you to follow your dreams but you know I didn't mean to be taken so literally.”

Jensen just rolled his eyes.

+++

 

Despite looking like he had injected grape Jell-o into his forehead, Jensen braved work the next day. It was either to sit at home and stare at the computer screen, at a picture less than 300 pixels across of someone he believed to be Jared Padalecki, or try to pretend he wasn’t going insane and do his job which normally involved calming down the entitlement whores that made up the client base of Barnes-Wentworth Oil.

“No, Mr. Krebbs, I’m sorry but I can’t give you information about that. Yes, I know your company has been in business with this company for a long time. Yes. I’m aware of that. Have you looked at the information on the website? It’s right there, click where it says policy. Yes, I know.” 

At the moment Jensen wished he could stab things with his computer mouse but instead he settled for moving it around very violently. It was a daily occurrence that some client or other inspired murderous rage in him, but at the moment he could do with all the murderous rage that was on offer. It kept his mind of others things and it kept him from opening up the browser on his computer. 

Finally Mr. Krebbs was satisfied and he could pull off the phone headset and turn his attention to a couple of emails. 

“Hey, Ackles, that’s a colorful decoration you are sporting there on your head.” 

Tom was craning his long neck over the cubicle wall. 

“Thanks. Thought my face could do with some improvement.”

“I would have taken more days off if I were you,” said Tom and stepped into the cubicle. “But then again, I forget how much you like the abuse the clients throw your way.”

Tom had held Jensen’s job before him, but had been elevated to the ranks of a PR and had the pleasure of smooth-talking leggy TV reporters and convincing them that the environmental policy of Barnes-Wentworth Oil was progressive and daring. One look into Tom’s blue-green eyes and they all appeared to be putty in his hands. 

“I was bored at home, plus I don’t have to look pretty, unlike you,” said Jensen and twirled his head-set around.

“True,” said Tom and winked at him. He couldn’t help but wonder whether Jared was the same height as Tom, or even taller. At least Jared had broader shoulders. And slimmer hips.

“You’re staring at me.” Tom raised an eyebrow. Jensen blinked and looked down, feeling his face heat up.

“You can look all you want,” Tom said in a sing-song voice as he turned on his heel. “See you at lunch.”

Not daring to watch him go, Jensen kept his eyes on the floor, looking at a frayed line in the carpet. It was one thing not being able to keep his mind off Jared but it was another thing to start leering at his co-workers because of it. 

_Why isn’t it five o’clock yet? I need a fucking drink._

+++

 

When his mother called on Friday and asked about his week, Jensen gave her the normal general crap he’d always done while he marveled internally at how bizarre his week had been. He truly had a hard time recalling anything physical he’d done but he could surely catalogue every thought and every mental image he’d had of Jared. It was pathetic, really but nothing seemed to be able divert his mind. 

There was one show on in his head and it was the Jared Padalecki show with extended sex scenes. There was the whole thing with reliving the dream sex – or the sex hallucination – or the garage door induced acid trip like Chris had started calling it. Jensen had given up on trying to figure out what it had been – it didn’t change the fact he was stuck and was only now truly understanding the full meaning of the phrase ‘one-track mind’. If that wasn’t enough, his filthy mind had progressed into fantasies. 

A favorite of his, which he wasn’t entirely sure would be physically possible, had him pinned to a wall by Jared where he would wrap his legs around Jared’s slim hips and be taken right there and then. Tom had even caught him staring into space at work and asked him what was on his mind. 

_Hi, Tom, I’m daydreaming about having emasculating sex with some phantom guy my brain has made up._

The whole week had been a struggle. A struggle to keep connected to the real world when his mind wanted to escape.

He had tried all kinds of distractions. His favorite video games, movies, going out for a run, even dinner at his parents’ place hadn’t kept his mind out of the gutter. There was even some good old heterosexual pornography involved in an attempt to derail his mind, but not even ‘In Diana Jones and the Temple Poon’ worked.

It had got so bad that he was starting to long for one of Chris’s famous ragers. There hadn’t been one for ages, maybe because Chris had managed to mellow out a little bit with age – plus it was no fun throwing a rager when all his friends were starting to yawn around midnight. These days it was more of a small gathering of close friends, Chris and Steve playing their guitars and sometimes people even brought food. Not just Doritos and Skittles but good, honest food they might actually have prepared in their own kitchen. Jensen had even displayed such maturity when he brought muffins he baked himself – not without burning his fingers but he’d made them himself. 

Not that he was the poster child for maturity at the moment, daydreaming like a lovelorn teenager hopped up on a rush of hormones, disgustingly pathetic and yet a part of him didn’t care. It felt strangely satisfying to be this obsessed with something even if it was a mirage. 

Salvation came in the form of his cell ringing. 

“Jenny, still in dreamland?”

“Funny, Chris. What’s up?”

“I’m not your best friend for nothing, dude. ‘Cause you are coming over tonight and there will be booze and maybe some weed and girls. I might even find some guys if you want, seeing how your garage door knocked you out of the closet.”

“Haha, hilarious. I’ll come, but no boys, dude. I’m kicking your ass if you do.”

“Relax, Jen, it will just be the usual gang. My days of being cruel and unusual are long over.”

Chris was actually being honest here. Once his favorite sport had been Jensen-baiting, where he was set up with some girl or other, and Chris had usually filled their heads with some crap about him which he then had to correct and, along with it, kill any chance he’d ever had with them. But ever since Jensen had managed to stay in a relationship for more than a couple of weeks, Chris had got off his case. Not that any of his long-term relationships had been successful in the long run. There had been Jessica, who had dumped him because she felt he didn’t have any direction in his life and then there had been Joanna who had cheated on him.

“Sure, I’ll come. But I get to play the guitar if we play Rock Band.”

“You’re so needy.”

+++

 

Chris was true to his word and it was only the usual crowd gathered at his place. Chris and Steve and some of the others were deeply immersed in Rock Band and Steve was currently serenading everyone around him with the words “I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo.”  
Jensen grabbed a beer and sat on a couch close to the guys. He wasn’t really in the mood to play; he was simply too distracted to be any good at the game.

The core of the group had been hanging out since high school – he and Chris had known each other for longer but Steve had come into the fold during high school and then the group had gathered friends like a stone gathers moss. Some had stuck around, others hadn’t.

Chris had ripped the game mic from Steve as Soundgarden’s ‘Black Hole Sun’ came up in the game. This was actually the reason why it was fun to play Rock Band with them: they always tried to compete over who was the bigger diva. Chris usually won, looking very pleased with himself, unless he ended up making mistakes and losing points.

As he was wondering whether he should join the playing he noticed Danneel sitting on the other side of the group, looking thoughtful. Danneel was the sort of girl you’d count as one of the boys if she weren’t as pretty and had as great a body as she did. That was probably the reason why she had very strict rules when it came to men. Dating was only for special occasions and she never dated her friends. She might sleep with them but only if they knew it was just sex. This had earned her a certain respect amongst the boys, not because she constantly put out but because she was straight forward.

Quite frankly, Jensen found her intimidating though he wasn’t entirely sure why. Maybe because she was sure in her sexuality – maybe because she defined her own boundaries. 

“What’cha thinking, Jen?” Danneel had noticed him watching her. “You look so deep in thought.”

“I …” he stammered.

She smiled, rather knowingly in his opinion and then moved over to him.

“Stare all you want. I can handle it.”

He swallowed. It wasn’t like he’d been leering at her and his inner gentleman really wanted to protest but he wasn’t about to share his thoughts with her like that.

“I … just … you are very pretty,” he finished in a lame voice.

Her smile widened. 

“Why, thank you, Jensen. I think you’re pretty hot yourself.”

A blush crept up his cheeks; he felt the heat and hoped that the lighting was dim enough for her not to notice. Looking down, he wondered how he could steer the conversation away from his lame attempts at flirting.

“You know, you could do with a little more confidence.”

If confidence was the only thing he needed, he’d be set for life. Glancing at her from the corner of his eye, he saw she was still smiling but her eyes were narrowing.

“Then again, you are kind of cute when you are being all coy.”

He blinked and turned his head towards her. 

“You think I’m acting?”

“No, Jen. I’ve known you for years. You’re not being fake.”

“So you want me to be both coy and confident? I don’t get it.” 

Her smile had turned into a thoughtful pout.

“Be yourself, Jensen.”

He huffed. What if being himself meant that everything was like a whirlpool of confusion? The urge to get up and just go home was strong. Not even a Friday night at Chris’s place offered him the distraction he longed for. Turning to Danneel again to say goodbye, he took a good look of her face. She was so pretty. All bedroom eyes and full lips curving in a pout. 

It was something that stank of desperation but he looked her in the eyes and then dropped his gaze to her lips: the oldest move in the book but it worked. She tilted her head towards him as he leaned forward and kissed her. Her lips were just as soft as they had looked, like downy pillows, and it was nice. 

Danneel wasn’t one to simply sit there and be kissed. She brought her hands to his face, deepening the kiss, opening her mouth as her hands smoothed over his jaw. Shifting closer, he held onto her shoulders: they felt so small, so fragile, which was strange because Danneel was anything but fragile. And he certainly felt that when she pushed him back, crawling over him, straddling his legs and moving her hands down to his chest. He still held her shoulders, unsure what to do next. As eager as she was in kissing him and as unabashed she was in touching him, it felt strange. Her weight was mostly resting on his thighs and he hardly felt it. His hands fell to her hips just to feel if she truly and physically was there. Under his hands he felt the swell of her hips, the curvature of her behind and it felt a lot softer than his sensory memory had led him to believe.

His sensory memory had been completely hi-jacked. What he wanted to feel under his hands, who he wanted to straddle him, whose lips he wanted to kiss, wasn’t Danneel, as beautiful and sexy as she was. He wanted hard muscles rippling under his hands, he wanted someone hard and heavy to straddle him, to tower over him, he wanted firm lips to crush his in a bruising kiss. He wanted it to feel like he was making out with Jared.

The realization made him turn his head away to break the kiss. Danneel froze, her hands resting on his stomach.

“I … can’t …” His voice was barely audible.

She straightened her back but stayed where she was.

“Why?” 

“I … just … I can’t. You are so hot and … but I can’t.”

“Oh Jensen,” she said and lifted herself off him, moving to the arm of the couch and away from him. “It’s so cute how old fashioned you are.”

So she thought he was being a backward old fool who couldn’t handle making out with a girl, not to mention possibly sleeping with her. He looked at her, probably a bit wide-eyed.

“I’m not going to be all offended or anything. I mean, I’d love to make out with you some more and even go somewhere else and take this further but I know you, Jensen. You just aren’t the one night stand type.”

A tiny little rebellious part of him wanted to prove her wrong, that he could handle sex with no strings attached, but it wouldn’t be fair to her because he knew his traitorous mind would replace her with someone else – he'd imagine someone else while having sex with her. In that respect he was a backward old fool.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he sat up. “I suppose you don’t get guys going all missies on you.”

“Hey, first time for everything,” she said and dangled at his shoulder. “Somewhere out there is someone who is very lucky but doesn’t know it. ‘Cause someday you’ll find someone who will appreciate you. Seriously, your exes were all touched in the head to break up with you.”

He laughed. 

“I broke up with Joanna, remember? She cheated on me.”

“As I said, touched in the head.”

They both laughed and Jensen felt relieved. Danneel was simply that cool; she would never allow this to become an awkward thing between them. Not that he didn’t feel awkward but he was all awkward anyway.

+++

 

“Seriously, Jen, I saw you. You had your tongue down her throat and all. I mean, five minutes more and she’d have been offering to blow you.”

Jensen had left Chris’s place shortly after his interlude with Danneel and hoped he could just put it behind him there and then, but apparently Chris had noticed them and had to know everything. That’s why he was at Jensen’s place at half past one in the afternoon on a Saturday. In Chris time, that was like getting up at the crack of dawn.

“And she didn’t and that’s that.”

“Come on, Jen. Spill the beans. I’m not going to tell anyone, not even Steve. Danneel won’t know that you kiss and tell.”

This earned Chris an eye roll.

“What was it? Don’t tell me you’re such a bad kisser?” Chris wasn’t about to give up and Jensen kind of felt like he had a reputation to uphold.

“No, nothing like that. It was me who cut it short.”

“With Danneel, are you insane? It’s Danneel we are talking about, the world’s sexiest sex kitten.”

“Yeah. Really.” He gave Chris a suffering look, hoping against hope that he would drop the matter but he knew better.

“Dude, I’ve made out with her and slept with her and she’s like a force of nature. Don’t tell me you like them all meek and stuff? No, not with all the homoerotic fantasies. No, no, don’t tell me … Jen, seriously, was it because of them? Are you telling me that you can’t get some guy who does or doesn’t exist out of your head enough to get your fucking freak on with Danneel?”

The urge not to dignify that with an answer was quite strong but he knew Chris wasn’t judging him. Chris would just have to calibrate his world view a tiny bit and then he would be OK with it.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Fuck, you need something like that brain eraser thing from Eternal Sunshine … you know, wipe your head clean of this. This is being dysfunctional, dude.”

The sad thing was that Chris was right. Jensen was hardly able to get through a normal day without spacing out and getting lost in thought about Jared. He felt frayed and he struggled to keep focused on whatever he was doing, whether it was helping a customer at work, watching TV at home or even having a conversation with his family and friends. It shouldn’t be this hard to put a lid on it. 

Was the solution perhaps just to find the guy? In his head Jared had been a TV star but so had he been. So the question was to find this guy he’d possibly found on Facebook, but Facebook only went so far and looking through the telephone directories was even less helpful.

“Chris, I know you are going to tell me that I’m crazy and all but I think I should try to find Jared.”

“You’re crazy,” Chris said immediately but it was clear from the tone in his voice he wouldn’t try to stop him.

“The thing is that I need to find someone who can either hack Facebook profiles or just add the guy.” 

“And then hire a PI to find out whether he has a criminal record or is a white supremacists or some other shit.” The tone in Chris’s voice wasn’t out-right mocking but he obviously felt that Jensen was being ridiculous.

But it was like someone had turned on a light switch in Jensen’s head. A PI would be his best bet. If Jared Padalecki turned out to a straight-laced guy with a wife and a couple of kids and therefore completely out of reach for him, a PI would find out fast and relatively painlessly.

“Chris, how much do you think it would cost to hire a PI?”

+++

 

The building wasn’t situated in the nicest part of town, so Jensen felt slightly uneasy leaving his car unattended even though it was just one step up from a piece of crap. 

He had imagined a glass door with the name of the private detective painted on it, like in the Humphrey Bogart movies. But here he was, faced with a non-descript door with a sign that had been printed on a sheet of A4 paper with an ink jet printer that bled the ink a bit too much. The sign read ‘JDM Private Investigation, opening hours 3 PM-8PM Tues-Thurs.’ It was 4.50 PM on a Tuesday so someone should be in. He didn’t dare but to knock.

A gruff voice told him to come in and he walked into the untidiest office he’d seen in his life and that included Mike’s office when he was working a case. There were towering stacks of all kinds of things, not only paper and files but knick-knacks, miscellaneous paraphernalia and even weapons. There was something looking like a huge broadsword lying on the top of stacks of old copies of National Geographic. At the far end of the office was a desk with a computer and behind it sat a bearded fellow in a washed-out band t-shirt - Jensen was pretty sure it was a Skid Row t-shirt - typing something on a computer using only two fingers. There was another desk, almost hidden behind a stack of cardboard boxes and it appeared that someone was sitting there as well.

“Uhh, hello, I called earlier. My name is Ackles, Jensen Ackles. You told me to just swing by, I didn’t have to make an appointment.”

The guy in the band t-shirt looked up and without words beckoned him to come closer.

“Sit down,” he said and pointed out a chair which seemed to be clear from any debris.

Jensen sat down, kind of afraid that the reason the chair wasn’t stacked with an old cassette player and the all the volumes of The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire was because it would give way.

The chair didn’t give way and Jensen dared to sit a bit higher.

“Excuse my manners,” said the fellow and reached his hand towards him. “Jeffrey Dean Morgan, PI.” 

He gave Jensen a hearty and strong handshake.

“So what brings you here? You said something about finding someone on the phone. Missing person? That sort of thing?”

“Erm, not exactly. I just have a name. I kind of need to know where this person lives and you know, the basic background stuff, like their jobs, family situation, things like that.”

Jeffrey laughed a belly-deep laugh.

“People use the internet for that sort of thing nowadays. You know, their Facebook accounts and blogs and photostreams and things like that. You are after something more, aren’t you?”

“OK, yeah. I kind of need to know more about their family situation than a Facebook relationship status has to offer.”

“Mmm, thought so.”

After a discussion about exactly the sort of information he wanted, Jeffrey asked him for the name. As Jensen spelled it out, Jeffrey didn’t write it down. He simply nodded and then Jensen heard someone typing something furiously behind him. Turning, he saw a dark-haired man hunched over a laptop.

“My Russian spy,” Jeffery grunted. “Doesn’t say very much but hella good at digging up the dirt.”

The guy didn’t seem to notice, just kept typing something and after a short while the printer on his desk started vomiting print-outs. Supposedly all those pages contained things about the real Jared Padalecki and supposedly he was dying to get that information but he just felt numb. Like every page would read, ‘Jensen Ross Ackles is a loser who thinks he can get into the pants of a hot guy.’

Finally the printer stopped and the Russian spy gathered the pages from the printer, put them in a folder and held it out to Jensen. He looked at the folder and felt like if he would take it, there would be no turning back.

“This is of course just basic information. Take a look and then you can decide if you want to take this further. Just drop Misha here an email or call. We have your credit card details in any case.” 

It took a tiny shoulder jerk for him to ward off any money-related worries regarding this enterprise. So what if the roof wouldn’t get fixed for the next two years if he took this further? 

He took the folder and almost stopped and waited for the earth to stop rotating on its axis. 

It was actually a surprise to him that he made it all the way to the car but as soon as he was in the driver's seat, he flipped the folder open and started reading the information.

The first thing he saw was a huge picture of Jared, his Jared, the Jared in his head. If he looked closely he could see the tiniest difference. The Jared on the picture had shaggier hair – his bangs hung into his eyes more and his cheekbones stood out a little bit more, like he was slightly thinner. 

So they had found a Jared Padalecki who looked very much like the one in his head. That was a start.

The next page contained the same information he would have found on the Facebook page if it hadn’t been locked. Born in July 1982 in San Antonio and to Jensen’s relief he appeared to still live there. This Jared was no TV star either, he was a carpenter, and Jensen felt relieved. He had feared that if Jared wasn’t a TV star, he would be some kind of a big shot somewhere. Maybe he was a big shot in the world of carpentry but that was less scary than if he had been a stockbroker or something like that.

Reading on, Jensen had to laugh when he read about his family – one older brother and one younger sister, though somehow he couldn’t imagine that Jared had the middle child syndrome as badly as he did.

There were more tidbits about him in the notes and nothing that told Jensen he should just forget about the whole thing. In fact, butterflies had started to flutter in his stomach. In San Antonio lived a carpenter named Jared Padalecki, looking exactly like the Jared in his head. And that was enough to set him up for days.

+++

 

He was munching on a chicken wrap in the canteen when his cell phone went off. Tom was on the other side of the table, eating a salad. He raised an eyebrow, since it was a rare occurrence for someone to call Jensen at work. 

Seeing the number on the display, he was quick to put down his chicken wrap and stand up before answering the phone. There was no way that he was allowing Tom to overhear this phone call.

“Morgan here,” said the gruff voice on the other end of the line.

“OK, what’s up?” His hands were shaking and he had a hard time holding his cell to his ear.

“Well, we have a little more information on this person you are seeking. Misha is putting together a file for you. But I can tell you roughly what we found out.”

Jeffrey then started giving him details about Jared’s workplace, his current address, the type of car he drove (unlike Jensen, he stuck to domestic cars and drove a Dodge truck) and the names of his roommates. 

“There’s also a Milo Ventimiglia living at the apartment and it appears that he and Jared are lovers.”

This particular piece of information was dished out just like all the other things Jeffrey was rattling off but everything in Jensen’s head became fuzzy except for that particular piece of information. Almost as if in a trance he bid Jeffrey goodbye and then the cell slid out of his hands and fell to the floor with a clang. He was standing at one of end of the canteen where hardly anyone was sitting but the clang had people looking his way.

“Jensen, is everything alright?” Tom yelled over the hall.

He wanted to answer him but his voice was momentarily lost. His mind or his heart or whichever body part was in charge of his feelings had been prepared for the ‘Jared’s happily married and has two bouncy children’ thing but not for the ‘he’s gay but taken’ thing. His head was swimming with how Morgan had worded it, ‘lovers’. It sounded so untouchable – like Jared was destined to be with this guy forever. Yet somehow his hopes weren’t quelled completely. 

“Earth to Jensen!” He hadn’t noticed Tom walking towards him. He looked up at him and saw some kind of amused concern on Tom’s face.

“Is everything alright? You dropped your phone.” Tom reached down and handed him the cell.

“Don’t worry,” he said as he pocketed the phone. He really couldn’t be there – he wanted to go somewhere… out there and have some sort of a melt-down. As he turned away, Tom caught his hand.

“Jensen, seriously. Is everything OK?”

“I’m fine. Please, let me go and … Tom, I have to go out for a bit.” He wrenched himself free from Tom and stormed out, having no idea where he was going and ending up in his car. There he sat, staring into the air while his mind and heart both felt like they were being put through the wringer.

First of all, his obsession was ridiculous. He had dreamt up the guy and then his mind had clung to the mental imprint like a drowning man to the last straw. Then he had actually done a crazy – and not to mention creepy – thing and tried to track down his fantasy man and now, even though he knew the guy was in serious relationship, his idiotic heart refused to give up because the sexual orientation was right. A sexual orientation that Jensen himself hadn’t really admitted to.

_This is so fucked up beyond repair that I seriously should have myself committed._

But then there was the unshakable feeling that deep down drove him to finding Jared and to not giving up those shreds of hope. That it was right. That it was destiny. Maybe that was the creepiest part of it all.

+++

 

An hour later he went back to his office, hoping that things would be busy so at least a part of his mind wouldn’t be all caught up in the Jared Padalecki show. 

Tom was waiting for him with couple of coffee containers but Jensen had the strong suspicion that Tom had gone up to Mike’s office and poured something a little more potent into the cups. He needed it, but he also knew that in return he had to give Tom some explanation.

“So what’s going on?” Tom asked when he handed Jensen the cup. 

“Stuff,” Jensen answered noncommittally. 

“Financial problems? Death in the family? Girlfriend woes? Come on, tell me.”

“None of the above,” said Jensen and sipped from the cup, feeling the burning taste of bourbon on his tongue. 

Tom raised his right eyebrow and looked at Jensen like he was a curious specimen he was examining at a lab.

“Then what on earth is the matter with you?”

“I really, really don't want to tell you but I suppose I owe you some kind of explanation, seeing as how I've totally been out of it. Well, the gist of it is that I think I've fallen for someone who doesn't know I exist.”

“Seriously?”

Before continuing, Jensen took another sip of the whiskey.

“I know this seems so junior high, like I'm a love-struck pre-teen. But yeah, there is this person who knows nothing about my existence and I'm ... yeah. God, when I talk about this out loud, this sounds so lame I want to die.”

“Well, maybe it's lame but the matters of the heart are never rational,” Tom said sagely.

“Yeah. And ... I can't believe I'm saying this. It's a guy.”

Tom's eyes widened which gave him a curiously innocent look despite the fact he was a hardened PR shark who could convince the pope that selling the devil his grandmother was indeed the best course of action for all parties involved.

“I didn't know you were gay.”

“I didn't either.”

“Jensen, this sounds ... I'm sorry, this sounds weird.”

“How do you think I feel? I'm not planning my coming out party if that's what you think. I'm freaked out. I can't get the guy out of my head and he's never laid eyes on me.”

Now Tom's eyebrows shot up and Jensen realized he might have said too much.

“I'm going to go get the entire bottle," Tom said. "Meet me in my office in five. You've got to tell me what this is all about.”

As soon as he saw Tom disappear down the hall towards the elevators to go to the ninth to legal, Jensen felt like panicking. Why on earth had he told Tom about this? While Tom didn't have direct authority over his position, a well worded missive from him to human resources could have Jensen out of job. This had to be filed under reckless behavior. A visit to a shrink was sounding wiser by the minute. 

The steps to Tom's corner office were heavy, he tried to cook up some story to feed Tom but draw a complete blank. 

“Hey, Jen! My man. Tom says you are having an existential crisis.”

_Wonderful. Why couldn't Tom just have brought the bottle? No, of course he had to drag Mike down with him._

Mike was actually his friend as much as Tom. Sure, there was the gap their status at the company had created but for guys who were much higher up the food chain than he was, Tom and Mike were downright egalitarian, so he tried not to panic.

“Kind of,” Jensen murmured when he put down his coffee cup to receive a hand-cut crystal tumbler containing bourbon on the rocks. Of course Mike kept ice cubes in his office. The legal deals of this company were probably all sealed by a glass of whiskey and under a cloud of cigar smoke.

“Spill, my friend,” Mike said jovially and patted at the seat beside him on the leather couch that Tom had in his office.

“It's just that I seem to be a thirteen year old girl who is in love with a guy who doesn't have a clue who I am. And I just can't get the guy out of my mind.”

Tom was still looking at him and Mike was blinking.

“So let's ignore the fact that you have suddenly started batting for the other team or the same team or whatever one says about these things. What do you mean? How did you fall for someone who doesn't know who you are?” Mike asked.

“'Cause I saw him in a dream,” Jensen mumbled.

“And you haven't had your head checked, why?” It was probably a small mercy that Mike didn't look as angelic as Tom when his eyes were wide with surprise.

“Because ... the guy exists.” The over-all lameness of the situation was getting a bit too much for Jensen and he downed his glass of whiskey in one gulp.

“So you aren't crazy but psychic?” Mike said and the sardonic tone in his voice did sting.

Jensen wanted to tell him to fuck himself and then run out of the office.

“Hey, play nice,” Tom said. “Maybe Jensen saw him for real but it didn’t register until in his dream.”

“OK, I don’t know what the fuck happened but I dreamt of some guy I’m pretty sure I’ve never laid my eyes on and he exists and I’m fucking hung up on him.” Jensen pulled himself up from the couch.

“Sorry, Jen. I mean – you’ve got to admit that it’s a bit crazy.” Mike was obviously attempting to talk in some kind of a soothing voice which aggravated Jensen even more.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious. Nice to know I can rely on your support.” He tried pushing past Tom but Tom put his hand on his shoulder so he stopped.

“Hey, it’s my 12 year old bourbon you are drinking.” The urge to punch Mike in the face was getting stronger and Tom seemed to sense that.

“Stop it. This is my office. Please try to be civilized. Mike, no matter how weird this thing might be, this is kind of serious for Jensen. And Jensen, you know Mike.” Tom had dropped his voice and was trying to sound soothing. 

“OK, I’ll try,” Mike said in his most put-upon tone of voice. “Jen, so if we ignore the whole gay thing, we could ignore the crazy factor as well. Then the question is, why are you hanging around here all zombie-fied and out of it? Why aren’t you trying to meet up with this guy, or at least trying to find out if you have a chance?”

Jensen didn’t answer right away.

“’Cause it’s complicated.” 

“Why is it complicated? You know that the guy exists so you should have some means of locating him.” Mike was insistent.

“I know where to find him and all. He lives in San Antonio.”

“So go there. Tom, the grunt workers can get time off, right?”

“You don’t think I haven’t been contemplating that? As I said, it’s complicated.”

“So explain.” Mike wasn’t going to give up.

“I may have hired a private detective and I may have found out that the guy is gay but taken.”

“Go Jen! It does smack of the whole creepy stalker thing but I’d say this counts for you being a go-getter.” Mike punched the air, making Tom roll his eyes.

“Jensen, what are you going to do?” Tom had put into words the question that had been swirling in Jensen’s mind for the last couple of hours.

“I don’t know. It’s not like the guy is married… this is Texas after all. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t committed and in love. Then there’s the small problem of him not knowing who I am and then another small problem of getting us together.” It felt bizarre to put it out there.

“Maybe you should hope that he’s the superficial sort ‘cause then you should be a shoe-in, Jen.” Mike was almost sniggering. “Pretty boy like you.”

He felt a blush creep up his cheeks and saw Tom shoot Mike a stern look.

“Yeah, ‘cause that’s the best basis for a relationship. Thanks but no thanks. Remember Joanna?”

Mike and Tom had been present for Joanna, as she was the daughter of the vice-chairman of Barnes-Wentworth. In fact, Tom had had a narrow escape from being given the royal Joanna treatment but he'd had the presence of mind not to date her.  
“But you are just going to agonize over this forever if you don’t try to meet the guy. Show us you have balls, boy.” 

“Classy, Mike,” said Tom sardonically. 

“Tom, you know it’s true. And you know what, Jen, you are going to take time off. I’m sure you’ve got accumulated vacation time, but if not, Tom and I should be able to sort that out with human resources and maybe we’ll be lucky and get Kristin to cover for you.”

“God, you are such a horndog, Mike.” Tom shook his head.


	3. Chapter 3

“You know, this calls for a big freaking road trip, an epic road trip.”

“Chris, San Antonio is only like five hours away. We could technically head out there in the morning and be back for dinner.”

“You think you’ll square things off with lover boy in a couple of hours? No way. Plus I haven’t seen the Alamo. I’m totally going to see that.”

“It’s not huge, you can cover that in a couple of hours,” Jensen said and winked at Chris.

“So the plan is for you to show up and dazzle Jared right away while I pretend I’m Davy Crockett?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Even if you are magically and uniquely beautiful like a unicorn, I think we need a plan B, plus I might get bored with pretending being Davy Crockett, so I was thinking that we’d crash at Jason’s place. I’m sure he’s not adverse to letting branches of the old gang sleep on his couch.”

Jason had been in their gang some years ago. Jensen wasn’t sure how he’d ended up there, as he was even more mild-mannered than himself. It had been inevitable for him, seeing how he and Chris had known each other since they were eating sand at the playground but Jason had joined the fold around the time Jensen had dropped out of college. Then he had quietly disappeared from the fold when he moved to San Antonio. Jensen had even heard he was married now.

“You think Jason would mind putting up with us?”

“Dude, the guy has mentioned like a thousand times that any of the old gang is welcome.”

It was a no-brainer to crash at Jason’s place. It wasn’t like they would have endless money to burn and Jason was a cool enough guy. Still, Jensen’s mind went into the track it had been stuck in; having sex with Jared and how that would be problematic if there was no privacy on offer. 

_OK, there’s presuming and there’s presuming. Brain, please don’t get this far ahead._

“I’ve been thinking this over, Jen, and I think you need some sort of plan. Jared isn’t going to come running into your arms as soon as you cross the San Antonio city limits.”

He nodded, knowing that despite Jared’s tallness, San Antonio had over a million inhabitants and that was just the city area. Sure, he knew where the guy lived and worked but knowing that wasn’t going to be that helpful for him.

“You could always find him when he’s working outside and offer him a cold drink.”

“It might work in your porno but I doubt it’s the way to go for me,” said Jensen wearily. “I think we’ll just have to play this by the ear.”

Chris saw that somehow as an indicator to come up with as many ridiculous plans he could think off. When he had concocted a plan where he would kidnap (or whale-nap as it were) Shamu and Jensen would then pretend to save the killer whale and thus win the hearts of everyone, including Jared, Jensen decided that Chris had had quite enough beer for the night.

“God knows I might end up regretting this but thanks for offering to go with me, Chris.”

“No problem, I’ll pick up the pieces or cheer you on depending on how it will go.”

+++

 

Five days later they found themselves sitting in Jason’s rather nice living room. He’d obviously done well for himself or maybe it was the fiancée’s money. She, Hillary, was a designer and had a boutique downtown. Jason was a music teacher. 

It had been unbelievably easy for Jensen to get time off. Phil, the director of Human Resources, had almost been willing to pack his suitcases for him as soon as he mentioned he might want a little time off. This had Tom’s and Mike’s fingerprints all over it, so he couldn’t feel anything else than gratitude, even when Mike made the effort to walk past his cubicle on the last day before the vacation and tell him in not-so-dulcet tones to bag that boy. Maybe he should be glad that everyone knew Mike was the company’s loudmouth and half of what came out of his mouth was nonsense.

Chris was talking wildly about his newest gig which was writing the score to an independent film and Jason was listening intently. Meanwhile Jensen was smiling politely at Hillary and raking his mind for conversation topics.

“So how did you meet Jason?” He finally asked when the smile started turning painful.

Hillary smiled indulgently and started explaining how she had noticed a tall, curly haired fellow walking past her store every day. Then she had seen him at a coffee house and spent at least the better part of an hour trying to indicate her interest in him until he finally seemed to catch on. It was a sweet story but Jensen was in no mood to appreciate it. Why were some people lucky enough to find the right person so easily? Just by making googly eyes at some coffee house?

“You married or involved with anyone?” Hillary asked, probably trying to be polite and turning the subject to him. Trying his best to swallow back all the sarcastic replies that came to mind, he forced his face into a pleasant smile.

“Not at the moment, no.”

“Oh, I thought perhaps … you and Chris maybe.”

Jensen smiled a genuine smile.

“Heh, no. Chris and I are just very old friends and Chris is as straight as they come.” 

“And you are not?” Hillary asked wryly.

“I don’t think so.” He wasn’t sure he wanted to get into these things with someone he’d just met even though she seemed nice.

“You don’t think so?”

“Heh. Without going into detail, I kind of finally admitted to myself that I was attracted to men just recently.”

It felt weird but oddly liberating to be sharing this with someone he hardly knew. She didn’t seem to be the judging sort.

“So what made you admit this? Or is that too forward of me?”

“It’s kind of complicated. Let’s say there is this guy and I can’t forget him.” 

Hillary had a knowing look on her face. 

+++

 

Jensen had drawn a little map from the information he had on Jared. It contained the location of Jared’s apartment and the headquarters of the company he worked for amongst other things. The map was like a safety blanket in his pocket as he followed Chris along the River Walk. Chris took his role as a tourist very seriously; it was like he’d never been out of the Dallas area. The reality was that Chris was actually rather well-travelled and unlike Jensen he’d been oversees and done the whole backpacking in Europe thing. It had filled Jensen with envy but he still couldn’t find it within himself to go – do the careless thing for months on end. It probably stemmed from the fact that he had been, and still was, angry with himself about not seeing college through. 

“I’m hungry,” said Chris and tugged at Jensen’s shirt sleeve like he was a five year old who wanted ice cream. 

Jensen knew better than to make Chris suffered hunger and thirst and followed him into a little coffeehouse almost hidden behind a big tree right there on the River Walk.

Chris managed to order up half the menu while Jensen was happy just having some coffee. Then he started talking about how they had to go to the zoo to see the Okapi. Jensen simply rolled his eyes. He had the feeling that Chris was trying to keep him occupied so he wouldn’t turn into some crazed stalker. Fingering the map in his pocket, he wondered if Chris’s efforts weren’t already in vain. At some point he would find his way to Jared’s house and walk past it, at least.

He was so screwed.

“Are we going for a sail on the river?” Chris asked through a mouthful of a blueberry muffin.

“Well, if you want to go. At least it’s a better idea than that Segway thing you were so keen on earlier.” Jensen was in no mood to get himself killed on one of those things but Chris seemed to be more than willing to fork out large sums of money to die on some contraption that looked like it should only be allowed in circuses. 

“Listen, Jen, you can’t just mope around, hoping to run into Jar … oh, fuck!” Chris’s eyes suddenly grew as round as saucers and his choice of exclamation meant that someone had just arrived at the coffeehouse he wasn’t pleased to see, like that girl he’d cheated on when they’d supposedly been engaged, what was her name, Sarah? Jensen turned around slowly to face the door and his heart stopped completely.

Sitting down at a table close to the door was Jared, looking very much like the mental image seared forever into his mind, and with him someone who had to be Milo. 

He didn’t know for how long his staring lasted but Chris cleared his throat and he automatically turned away.

“Dude, and here I thought I had to keep you from stalking the poor guy’s home and then he just walks into the same coffeehouse we are at. It’s not like we are in Buttfuck, Nowhere.” Chris was leaning towards him and lowering his voice to a volume Jensen had barely ever heard Chris use.

“He’s not alone.”

“Jen, that can be fixed. Probably just by having you stand next to that boyfriend guy. He's not that hot.”

“Okay,” said Jensen, hoping that he wouldn’t start to hyperventilate. He was gripping the table now, forcing himself not to turn. Chris wasn’t helping by leaning close to him to see better and maybe to eavesdrop. Jensen could hardly hear a thing for his very loud heartbeat, vibrating through his body.

But he didn’t miss anything. Chris described everything like he was a sport commentator at a game.

“OK, they are talking about something. Your boy isn’t happy at all and the boyfriend dude is just talking, mostly with his hands, waving them around like he’s steering a plane in for a landing. Fuck, I must hear what they are saying.” 

Chris leaned closer to Jensen, trying to hear the conversation.

“They are definitely fighting but your boy is trying to keep it low key. Oh …” There was a loud thump that even Jensen could hear over the din of his own heartbeat.

“At least there’s some temper in the boyfriend dude, he just smashed his fist on the table but it’s not making your boy any happier. He just said something and … OK, I think the boyfriend dude is leaving.” Chris moved a bit away from him and Jensen just had to turn around to see whether he was telling the truth.

Milo was getting up, still talking with his hands but Jared sat with his arms crossed over his chest and a closed look on his face. Jensen quickly turned around again, his heart still beating like he’d just run a marathon.

“Looks like not all is well in paradise,” said Chris and Jensen frowned at the suggestive tone in his voice. Like he'd be ready to walk up to Jared to and hit on him. Because he would be receptive for that just after fighting publicly with his boyfriend. 

“Jen, seriously, go over there. Don’t be a pussy.” This got him angry enough to push his hand into Chris’s face in order to shut him up. He didn’t want to be there at this point in time, having Jared’s physical presence radiating just like the mental image of him had. In fact, he wished he’d had some kind of warning, a time to formulate a plan. Glaring at Chris who hadn’t made an effort to remove his hand, he noticed that Chris’s eyes had grown round so he automatically dropped his hand and turned his head to look where Chris was looking.

Jared was approaching their table with a determined stride and Jensen felt his mouth go completely dry. He must have noticed them staring and was coming to tell them off. His stomach fell, this was it then. Any chance he’d ever had was blown.

“Sorry, I know this is forward of me but … I kind of was wondering if I could get your opinion.” 

_Funny that, Jared’s voice is exactly like I remembered it._

Chris was all easy smiles, offering Jared a seat while Jensen tried his best to unfreeze himself so he wouldn’t sit there like he’d been cryopreserved.

“So yeah … where are my manners? My name is Jared Padalecki, pleased to meet you.” As soon as he’d taken a seat, he put his hand out to Chris who shook it and introduced himself.

When Jared put his hand out to Jensen it took him at least a couple of seconds to gain enough motor control to lift his hand. His vocal cords on the other hand took more time to get working.

“Sorry about him, his name is Jensen and I’m pretty sure he’s pleased to meet you.” Chris was clearly trying to buy him time and he probably should have been grateful but at the moment he felt irritated.

“Umm, yeah, the reason why I interrupted you … you know, you seem to be close and maybe …” It was hard to explain but hearing the obvious nervousness in Jared’s voice made Jensen feel a little bit better.

“Whoa, close? We are not together if that’s what you think.” 

Jensen blushed at Chris’s outburst and felt his stomach twist when he saw the embarrassment on Jared’s face.

“Sorry, I just … I’m not wrong in assuming you two are good friends?”

In order to lessen the damage Chris had already caused, Jensen got his vocal cords working.

“Since we were in diapers.” He tried his best to smile but he was sure he’d given some sort of grimace instead.

“Cool. OK, so the reason why I need your help… I need an outsider opinion and I literally need to pounce on people in the streets for that. So you might have noticed that I was fighting with my boyfriend there.”

Jensen just nodded while giving Chris warning looks because it looked like he was going go off again.

“OK, this is a universal dilemma – not like some gay thing or anything,” Jared said with a cute embarrassed smile on his face. 

As he kept on nodding, Jensen felt keenly aware of what Jared was saying.

“Milo, that’s my boyfriend, he’s doing his Ph.D. in English and I mean, that’s awesome and all and I support him. But he doesn’t feel that I support him enough. He wants me to become involved, you know, be able to know if a text is readerly or writerly or something like that.”

“And are you an English major or anything like that?” Jensen had to admire Chris’s quick thinking there.

“Oh lord, no. I’m a carpenter.”

“Dude, you think that would clue the guy in.” Chris waved his hands wildly.

“Hehe, yeah. Though it’s not like I don’t read, or only read Tom Clancy and Dan Brown and stuff like that. I was on a huge Philip Roth kick a few weeks ago. But my true love is sci-fi and fantasy, ‘cause I never grew up, you know.” Jensen felt like melting when he saw the glint in Jared’s eyes. 

“So we have established that you can read more than the headlines in the papers but aren’t ready to branch out into deconstructing any text you see. I don’t know, being in a relationship is accepting the other person’s limits.” Chris was stroking his chin sagely.  
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” said Jared and half-lifted his hands as if in defeat.

“You accept your boyfriend’s limits?” Jensen didn’t really know why he was asking this question but something compelled him.

“What’d ya mean?” Jared said quickly, sound almost like he was snapping at Jensen.

“Sorry … I mean, you aren’t into literary theory or whatever but do you look down on your boyfriend because he can’t hold a hammer or something?” He chewed on his lips.

“Of course not. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a hammer in his hands. Truthfully, I’ve never thought about it.” God, the guy was way too cute when he shrugged. Jensen hid his face in his hands because he felt a blush creep up his cheeks.

“OK, you wanted our unclouded opinion.” Chris was looking rather pointedly at Jared. “I think your boyfriend is a douche for pestering you with this and wanting you to be someone you’re not.”

Jared made a face but Jensen noticed he didn’t frown or protest Chris’s rather blunt statement.

“How about you, Jensen, isn’t it? Agree with him?” Jared nodded towards Chris.

“Uh, you know, I think … I mean, there are always going to be differences and you kind of take the other person like they are. Shortcomings, talents, interests and all.” He chewed on his lip again.

“See, that’s what I think. I wish Milo saw it that way.” Jared sighed and the wistful tone of his sigh made Jensen’s stomach drop just a little. “But enough about me, here I am, pouring out my life to a couple of strangers. I mean … who are you?”

Chris was quicker to answer, maybe because he seemed to sense that Jensen needed a little bit of time to gather his thoughts again. When Chris came to the part about them being visitors, Jared’s face lit up.

“I’ve got to show your guys around. Show you the good places and all. I’m supposed to go bar-hopping with my friend Chad tonight, I think we're starting at the Flying Saucer which is kind of out of the city center but you know what, I’ll pick you up, OK? How does eight thirty sound?”

All he could do was nod, his mouth gone dry and his heart hammering in his chest. This was either going to end spectacularly well or badly. 

+++

 

Maybe he should have expected it but Chris managed to weasel his way out of going. Jensen knew he was bluffing with the backache but he was unable to call his bluff. He toyed with the idea of dropping out himself but it really felt rude and even if he would end up watching Jared making out with Milo all evening, something inside him spurred him on to go.

To his relief, Milo wasn’t present when Jared came to pick him up but he did have a friend with him. It was Chad, who Jensen also knew to be his roommate. It made him feel marginally better and Chad also seemed to be the kind of person who wouldn’t let any moments of silence get awkward. Truth be told, after sitting with the guy in a car for five minutes, he was pretty sure that there were no moments of silences ever when you were around Chad. At least not any moments that lasted longer than five seconds.

The bar was big and rather respectable-looking and Jared and Chad seemed to be very at home there so Jensen simply followed them to a table occupied by three brunettes. Soon he learned that the one with the heart shaped face was Sandy, Jared’s and Chad’s roommate, the one with the pool-deep brown eyes and big lips was her friend, Gen and the one with the husky voice and the big dimples was Sophia.

While feeling twice as shy, Jensen couldn’t help but think of Chris, who would be missing out on the hot girls. After the normal routine of introductions he had fallen silent, listening to their conversation. It became rather obvious that Chad had some kind of history with one of the girls because they were all ripping into him like only women scorned could. He supposed whichever way it had gone, two of the girls were only giving Chad a hard time ‘cause that was something girls did for each other.

“You are quiet,” said Jared in a matter-of-fact sort of tone. Much to his chagrin, Jensen felt a blush creep up his face.

“I like to listen, that’s all.” Somehow he felt the need to excuse himself.

“Not to them, I hope, or maybe I’ve listened to this a thousand times. Get alcohol into any of those girls and they rip Chad a new one. Not that he doesn’t deserve it, he did cheat on Sophia but it’s a bit like watching the same episode of a soap opera again and again.” Jared seemed to be feinting extreme weariness. “Let’s talk about something interesting, like you.”

Jensen couldn’t help but feel like he’d been backed into a corner, since all he could think about himself at that moment was this whole thing about obsessing over Jared.

“I don’t know what to say. You want something like, ‘I’m Pisces, my favorite color is navy-blue and when I was little, I wanted to become a Thundercat’?”

Jared laughed, a big joyful laugh, which had him swaying backwards and showing off his gleaming white teeth. It created a wonderful sort of warmth in the depths of Jensen’s belly.

“I’d totally reply to your ad,” Jared said as he composed himself. Jensen felt his face flush as violently as ever before. 

“But seriously, I did confess all my relationship problems to you earlier so turnabout is fair play.”

_Yeah, ‘cause it will go so well to tell you that all my lovelife woes stem from a hallucination I had about you._

“Well, first I’d need to be in a relationship for me to have problems.”

“It’s the unique opportunity to talk about your exes to someone who is interested.” Jared’s smile was irresistible.

“You asked for it,” said Jensen as he glanced sideways at Jared.

Much to Jensen’s credit, he kept it tame, short and sweet. His last relationship had been uninteresting and he had kind of stuck around because of some twisted sense of nobility and loyalty. 

“So it is safe to say you’ve never found the one,” Jared remarked when Jensen had finished telling him about how he'd broken up with Joanna when he walked in on her getting it on with some guy in one of the down-stairs bathrooms during a cocktail party at her parents’ house and how he’d been sure he would have his ass fired the next day. That hadn’t happened because the pair of them hadn’t seen any reason to cease what they’d been doing and then her father had walked in on them. Thank the lord for small mercies or something like that.

“Yeah, I think it boils down to the fact that I hadn’t figured out what, or shall I say whom, I wanted?”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you using the past tense there, mister.”

_Oh, fuck._

Jensen raked through his brain – he should lie but he was an awful liar and his mind absolutely refused to make someone up. But maybe half truths were the way to go.

“OK, you are going to laugh at me,” he said, trying his best to sound inconsequential.

“Try me,” said Jared and Jensen thought about how unfair it was that two one syllable words could sounds so flirty.

“I’m thirty, not born yesterday, not born again Christian though I tend to go to church regularly and I live in a city, not in a small town. And I just admitted to myself I like guys.” 

Fighting the urge to crawl under the table to hide while Jared would inevitably roar with laughter, Jensen tried to grab the edge of his seat discreetly. 

But Jared didn’t laugh. He merely looked thoughtfully at him.

“Dude, I’m not going to laugh. We all figure these things out at a different pace. Plus, you don’t need to live in a small town to be in denial or not to figure this out sooner. There are ignorant fools everywhere and sometimes we tend to stamp out things to save us from a world of hurt before the thoughts and feelings even materialize. I mean … alright, I don’t want to go on and on about myself but can I tell you about how I figured out I was gay?”

Feeling so relieved that Jared didn’t think he was stupid for figuring out things like his sexual preferences so late in life, Jensen nodded even though whatever Jared would say might just be the heart-breaking and epic love story of him and Milo.

“Here goes nothing; I'll probably make myself sound like the most horrible person on the planet, ‘cause I’m still a bit guilty about this.”

With that Jared had Jensen’s complete attention. Because guilty meant it hadn’t been the perfect gay romance.

“So I had this high school sweetheart. Well, we started going out when I was her date to her senior prom. Her name was Alexis and she was a year older than me – all mature woman and stuff. She went off to college, was in UT Austin, majoring in English but we didn’t break up, maybe because I was regularly going up to Austin to take courses there in carpentry. I probably could have done those closer to home but I wanted to see Alexis. And it was, you know, we were young and full of romantic notions, wanting to get married when she graduated and I’d build our home and we would be so happy with 2.4 children and a dog. I can’t really remember if we were that happy at the time, I think I thought I was but I wasn’t. So Alexis starts telling me about this Milo guy who is studying English with her and I got really jealous. I started driving up there more often, you know, to mark my territory.” Here Jared paused and Jensen had to try his best to stifle a giggle. As agitated as Jared’s story was making him, it was also rather funny.

“So finally I catch her with this Milo, well, they weren’t doing anything but I barged in on the scene, demanding to know what was going and just as Alexis was calming me down, I finally took a look at Milo properly. And this sounds corny and cliché but I kind of got weak in my knees, so weak that I almost lost balance and knocked poor Alexis down. That’s the moment, but I don’t think seeing Milo magically turned me gay, it simply opened up my eyes. So the thing that makes me guilty is that I was too much of a coward to break up with Alexis right there and then but me and Milo, shit, that thing took off so quickly. You see, an hour after seeing the guy for the first time, I was making out with him in my car. Not my proudest moment to ever have cheated on a sweet girl like Alexis.”

“So you didn’t break up with her right away?” Jensen whispered.

“Dude, I was twenty-two and thought, you know, maybe I could get this out of my system quickly and go back and not break Alexis’s heart. Yeah, best laid plans and all that. She pretty much found out from Milo because believe it or not, Mr. Knows-all-about-words managed to blurt out he was falling for someone and then gave Alexis a vague description but just had to mention three moles on this someone’s – which would be me – hip, shaped very much like the star sign Orion. Yeah, naturally Alexis had seen it too. And basically I haven’t spoken to her since, I think she transferred somewhere out of state and I felt so guilty and so bad I didn’t dare to call her. But Milo and I were on as you might know.”

Jensen had tuned out of the story as soon as Jared had mentioned the moles on his hip and started flicking through his mental images of Jared, trying to recall those moles. A very stark and vivid image of Jared all in his naked glory popped onto the frontline of his consciousness. He kept his eyes open, still looking at Jared, though his head started to spin as the imaginary Jared somehow became superimposed on the real Jared in front of him. Jensen’s mouth went dry and a slight shiver went through him. 

“Jensen, you alright?”

So he might have spaced out a bit there. Giving Jared a nervous smile he grabbed the beer in front of him and downed it in couple of gulps.

Jared’s eyebrow practically flew up his forehead in something that could have constituted concern and surprise, Jensen wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he felt himself grow hard and he was wearing one of his tighter jeans and it would start to hurt in just a moment. Logically, he could feign some mysterious illness and get a cab right then but since Chris had already used that card in an rather obvious attempt to allow Jensen to have some alone time with Jared, he really didn’t have a choice but sit there and be turned on by the man sitting next to him.

“I mean, did this offend you? You know, me cheating on Alexis? ‘Cause you kind of look like you are pissed off about something.”

_Could this evening get any worse? I’m sporting a huge boner ‘cause of a guy who think he’s offended me._

“No, not at all.” All he managed was a quiet whisper.

“You just … you’re a bit of an introvert, aren’t you?” 

This might, however, be the moment for Jensen to become offended but he really didn’t feel it within himself. Jared looked curious, almost like he was pondering an enigma he was dying to solve. 

This was an absolutely ridiculous situation. Here he was sitting with the object of his affections – at least the object of his lust but a very taken object all the same. And there was something there between them which didn’t really have that much to do with his dirty little secrets. Jared really seemed to like his company and meanwhile the universe decided to torture him with an array of conflicting emotions. 

“Sorry, I’m being a jerk,” Jared said, probably believing his silence had everything to do with his question.

“Not at all,” Jensen managed, “can we talk about something else than me?”

“Dude, I really like you.” Jared threw his head back in laughter and Jensen felt his face heat up in embarrassment. 

But somehow they managed to ease into a conversation about music, books and sports and Jensen almost felt calm again. Calm enough that his laughter had stopped sounding forced and fake and he even managed to look straight at Jared for longer periods than fractions of seconds. 

Somewhere in the middle of their animated discussion about old basketball games, they were interrupted. Or perhaps not so much interrupted as jumped upon.

“Can we get going? I’m so not getting any action here. I think Sophia is using some freak brainwaves to make all girls immune to me.” Chad pushed hard on Jared so he almost tumbled into Jensen.

“Hey, watch out, Mayhem,” said Jared, grabbing Jensen’s knees so he wouldn’t fall on him completely. To Jensen, Jared’s touch felt hot and searing. When Jared straightened up, Jensen was surprised that there weren’t any burn marks on his jeans.

“OK, Jarenator, sorry I ruined your moment here. But can we go? I’ve got the feeling otherwise I’ll be the lousy puking drunk you wish you could just throw out of your car.”

“You owe me, Chad. Big time.” 

As they drove away from the bar, Jared asked him if he wanted to see more of San Antonio’s night life. It was extremely tempting but Jensen really felt he needed a moment or a whole eternity to get himself in check. It might have been his imagination but when he asked to be taken back to Jason’s place, he thought he could detect some disappointment in Jared’s answer.

As they pulled up to Jason’s house, Chad leaned in between the front seats, slamming his hand hard on Jared’s shoulder.

“We should throw a party – tomorrow even. You know, Jensen here can come and maybe he’ll bring his friends and it will be awesome. It’s been so long since we threw a party at our place.”

“Yeah,” said Jared and seemed very excited. “Not since … ” His voice died out.

“Not since your boy started working on that thesis of his. I don’t get it. It’s not like he’s working on it at home. He’s never at the apartment except when he needs to bitch or something.”

“Chad!” 

“Come off it, Jared. Don’t go all ‘must defend the honor of my man’ on me. I live with you two and Milo has been pissier lately than a PMS-ing nun with an icicle up her cunt.”

“Chad!” 

Jensen couldn’t help but notice that Jared seemed more amused than offended on the behalf of his boyfriend.

“Whatever. Jensen, you’ll come tomorrow, ‘kay? Take friends with you, the more the merrier and we’ll show you how it’s done here in San Antonio.”

+++

 

They managed to arrive not too early at the party; at least a dozen people were there already plus the hosts. Chris leaned towards him as they walked in and whispered in his ear.

“Dude, this is going to be so fucked up.” Jensen couldn’t help but agree even though he didn’t really know what exactly would end up being fucked.

He felt a bit more at ease to see that Milo didn’t seem to be present. He saw Sandy and her friends and chuckled at the soft wolf-whistle Chris gave as he saw them. Chad was busy lining up shot glasses and pouring something into them so that left Jared who was doing his best at playing host.

“Great to see you could make it. Beware of whatever Chad wants you to drink. He was experimenting with Jägermeister and some imported European stuff today, making some horrible concoction, so I’m offering you beer so he’ll be less inclined to make you partake of whatever he’s offering.”

Chris reached out for the bottle Jared handed him and then elbowed Jensen in the side before walking away in the direction of the girls.

“So, expecting a crowd?” said Jensen more into the beer bottle he’d just been handed instead of saying it to Jared’s face.

“Not really but I never know what Chad might have done on Facebook. He once invited all the members of some Spurs group he’s in, there. Sandy ended up calling the cops to clear out the party.”

They hung out in the kitchen, Jared sharing many, many anecdotes about Chad and his wacky hi-jinks. Maybe it was the beer, since Jared saw to it that he never ran dry, but Jensen felt easier and more comfortable around Jared than the night before.

“So how about your friend, Chris? Or yourself? Any good stories there?” 

“Me? Chris sometimes gets me involved in his adventures but generally I like to stay out of trouble.”

“I met you yesterday and somehow I’m not surprised,” said Jared and winked at him and Jensen looked down and felt his face grow flush.

“I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this story but it kind of sums Chris up, well, Chris when he was 18, and it kind of sums me up as well,” Jensen began, looking up at Jared. Then he launched into the long tale of how Chris had set him up with Lauren so he would finally get rid of his virginity.

“And he really told her you were in a boyband?”

Jensen nodded; rehashing the extreme humiliation of the Lauren incident wasn’t all that painful when he got to enjoy Jared’s joyful laughter in exchange.

“How come you still talk to Chris then? You know, that was a bit too mean.”

“I’ve known Chris for long enough to know that his heart is in the right place even though he was a bit cruel when we were younger.”

“Hmmm, I wonder why that would be,” said Jared and smiled mysteriously.

“What do you mean?”

“Chris isn’t bad looking at all but not as good looking as you and not as tall, you know. I would imagine he was a bit jealous of you when you were teenagers.”

“Jealous?” Jensen snorted. “Dude, I kind of looked like a girl when I was eighteen. A tall girl, but a girl never the less. Everyone at my high school called me Jennifer.” 

Jared yet again does one of his falling-backwards laughs. 

“God, you must have been the twinkiest twink ever, what with those lips of yours and those obscenely long lashes. I would have thought you’d have droves of guys hitting on you back then.”

“Dude, I grew up in Richardson – not exactly the place where guys hit on other guys like that.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right, but I have to admit I would have liked to know you when you were in high school.”

Jensen didn’t really know how to take that, he felt slightly uncomfortable.

“You should have seen me at that age,” said Jared. “All gangly and ungraceful. I sometimes wonder how on earth I managed to hook up with Alexis in the first place.”

Peering hard down the neck of the beer bottle he’s clutching, Jensen tries to imagine a teenaged Jared, shaving off twenty pounds of muscles or so, but his mind wasn’t cooperating. His mind seemed to prefer the Jared who was standing in front of him now.

“You keep getting that faraway look on your face, making me wanna go all cliché and give you a penny for your thoughts.”

The true answer was never close to appearing on the tip of Jensen’s tongue but he wasn’t sure if he’d managed to keep it from the look on his face as he looked at Jared. Especially since there’s definitely something, a certain intensity in the way Jared was looking at him. Making him all warm inside and stupidly hopeful. Maybe that’s why he’s stepping close to Jared like he's on auto-control.

Jared wasn’t backing away; he was stepping closer as well, putting down his bottle and reaching out to take Jensen’s bottle from his grip. Jensen swallowed and then licked his lips, trying his best to look up at Jared but being unable to focus on his face.

“God, I shouldn’t be doing this,” Jared murmured as he leaned forward and captured Jensen’s lips in a kiss. His imagination had nothing on the real thing. Jared was holding his face between his big hands, using his thumbs to smooth over his jawline as he deepened the kiss. Jensen settled for putting his hands on Jared’s shoulders and tried his best to reciprocate. Jared was sucking on his tongue in an obscene way, enticing strange sounds from him which had Jared pulling him even closer, their bodies flush against each other, giving Jensen the courage to move his hands down Jared’s arms, down his sides to his waist which in return caused Jared to push his hips into Jensen.

He felt himself growing hard; it was hard not to with Jared almost humping him right there. In an attempt to keep himself in check, he tried his best not to rub against Jared’s thigh.

When Jared broke the kiss and started mouthing his way down Jensen’s neck, Jensen knew that it was either to give in completely or push Jared away. Hell, he’d gone to the trouble of finding the guy, he’d gone down to San Antonio, he was the one losing his mind obsessing about him. If he were all noble and perfect, he would feel bad because Jared was in fact cheating on his boyfriend but he wasn’t noble and perfect. That was perhaps the reason why he was hitching up Jared’s shirt to feel the naked skin underneath.

“God, you are so fucking hot,” Jared mouthed as he pushed Jensen’s shirt away and licked down into the hollow between his collar bones. “Been wanting to do this … well, since yesterday but ever since I laid eyes on you.”

 _Fuck, I think I’m about to pass out here._

Jensen’s head was filled with a red haze and he was sure the harsh breathing and the occasional moans he heard belonged to him. His shirt was probably lying in heap on the kitchen floor along with Jared’s shirt. Jared who was using his mouth to explore his chest, licking his nipples, using his hands to cup Jensen’s ass.

“We probably should move this elsewhere before I drop to my knees and blow you right here,” Jared said, seemingly more to Jensen’s belly button.

It was a miracle that Jensen’s knees didn’t give out there and then. 

“You’re going to have to carry me,” he gasped out as he tried to brace himself on the kitchen counter.

Jared snickered and bent down and threw Jensen’s shirt at him.

“Suppose we should put these on before relocating.”

They were both giggling like naughty school boys as they attempted to button up their shirts as they tried to make their way to a bedroom. Jensen wasn’t sure if Jared would take him to his bedroom which would of course be Milo’s bedroom as well but he wasn’t going to let that bother him. His morals had been lying down and they could just stay that way.

However, they didn’t manage to sneak unseen from the kitchen to the next available bedroom.

“Jared, what’s going on?” One of Jared’s tiny brunette friends was standing in the hallway outside the kitchen. Jensen was pretty sure it was Sandy, one of his roommates. 

“Nothing,” said Jared in a tone that suggested he knew very well that he was doing something bad but didn’t really feel all that bad about it.

“Yeah, sure, Jay. You two weren’t making out in the kitchen and aren’t trying to sneak off to continue whatever you two were doing.” She might be a tiny thing but Jensen felt quite threatened as she stood there with her hands on her hips, looking like she could breathe fire.

For some reason Jared didn’t seem to be so intimidated by her. He simply gave her a winning smile and reached for Jensen and pulled him to him.

“You aren’t going to rat me out, are you?”

“No, Jared. I’m not going to rat you out, but seriously, if you think Milo isn’t going to find out, then you are too dumb to live.”

Jensen felt himself bite his bottom lip while Jared took his time to answer.

“I’m … I think I’m going to break up with Milo anyway but Jensen is here now and he’s just around for a visit and … he’s like candy.” The tone of Jared’s voice suggested that he was a five year old who wanted stay up longer but Jensen couldn’t help but feel a flutter in his stomach, because Jared was acting this way because of him.

“Oh, Jared,” Sandy sighed wearily.

With a tug to his shirt sleeve, Jared pulled him further down the hallway, but as they were about to reach someone’s bedroom, shouting from the living room made them stop dead in their tracks.

“Murray, what the hell is going on?”

Milo had obviously arrived on the scene and Jensen wanted to jump out of the nearest window. Jared, on the other hand, didn’t seem want to flee. 

“Oh, the fucker. Why couldn’t he just sleep with his thesis like he’s been doing?” 

Turning away from the bedroom door, Jared stormed down the hallway to the living room and despite his reservations, Jensen followed.

Milo was standing in the middle of the living room, looking absolutely livid. Chad seemed rather unperturbed while the rest of the people there seemed to be watching Milo, Chris included, sitting in a dark corner with Gen and Sophia.

There was no indication that Milo’s anger abated when he spotted Jared.

“Jared, what’s the meaning of all this?”

“Milo, you ain’t my dad. And this is just a party. People sometimes throw those, you might remember.”

Huffing and giving Chad a rather mean glare, Milo stepped closer to Jared.

“I thought you might show me some courtesy and not throw a party while I’m working on my thesis.”

“You never work on it here and I’m sorry but we aren’t going put our lives on hold.”

“I might not work on it here but I need my sleep and …” Milo trailed off because he seemed to have noticed Jensen where he stood few feet behind Jared. He looked back at Jared. 

“What’s going on?” The tone of Milo’s voice changed and Jensen secretly wished he'd simply disappear.

“What do you think?” Jared sounded defiant.

“Great, just great. Not only do you decide to throw a party when I’ve asked you not to, then you go around cheating on me. In my own home nonetheless. Who is this little shit you were screwing?” Milo turned towards Jensen who wondered who exactly Milo was calling a little shit, since he definitely had few inches on Milo.

“Let him be,” said Jared and tried to move between him and Milo.

Milo obviously was a lot stronger than he looked and managed to shove Jared away so hard that he stumbled. The next thing that Jensen knew was that Milo had grabbed him by the front of his shirt.

“Who the fuck are you? You fucking my boyfriend?” Milo looked to be beyond livid. 

“Hey, Milo, let him go,” Jared had managed get his balance back.

“You fucked this piece of shit?” Milo turned towards Jared but didn’t let go off Jensen.

“No, don’t be stupid, let him go,” Jared demanded as he tried to pull Milo away but only caused him to tighten his hold on Jensen. 

“Milo, I’m not going to fight you, for god’s sake, let him go.”

Nothing Jared said seemed calm Milo down. Instead he pushed Jensen further into the hallway, Jensen too stunned to do anything but allow Milo to push him. 

“You fucked Jared? Did Jared fuck you? Will you give me a freaking answer, you piece of shit?”

If it meant Milo letting him go, Jensen was ready to give Milo a multitude of answers, but he couldn’t cough up one word. He simply stared at the guy, knowing that his squint had to be pretty prominent.

“Let him go!” It wasn’t Jared this time around, Chris had joined in.

“Who the fuck are you?” Milo spat out but before he could turn back to Jensen, Chris had flung himself on him. Jensen felt Milo’s grip on him being wrenched away and he almost fell as he stumbled but Jared grabbed him before he fell on top of Chris and Milo.

They weren’t fighting very gracefully, grunting loudly as they thrashed on the floor. Jensen knew that if Chris would get the chance he might end up punching Milo, something he anticipated would go badly.

Turning to Jared, he motioned towards Chris and Milo.

“I think we should try to break them apart.”

“Chad, get your ass over here,” Jared shouted but Chad was actually standing close.

Jensen grabbed Chris by the shoulders and Chad helped him to pull him up. Chris struggled against them and as soon as his arms were free he started swinging but by then Jared had pulled Milo back.

“Everyone, let’s calm down,” Chad said, trying to hold Chris’s right arm while Jensen struggled with the left arm.

“The fuck I will,” Milo shouted, trying his best to free himself from Jared’s vice-like grip. “I’m going to fuck up your shit,” he spat at Chris and then turned towards Jensen. “And you pretty boy, you just …”

Milo didn’t finish his threats as Jared had pulled him into the next bedroom.

Standing half stunned, not really knowing what had happened, Jensen was still holding Chris even though Chris had calmed down.

“Dude, you can let me go.”

“Oh, sorry,” said Jensen and let go of Chris, not looking at him nor at Chad.

“You OK?” Chris asked. Chad seemed to take it as a hint and so did the rest of the party which had gathered at the end of the hallway to watch the spectacle.

“I dunno, just …” Jensen tried to straighten his shirt but noticed he must have buttoned it the wrong way.

“Did something happen with you and Jared?”

“Uhh, kind of, yeah.”

“And what?” Chris was crossing his arms and looking at him with one eyebrow raised.

“We made out in the kitchen,” Jensen almost whispered. “And we were going to … you know … find somewhere more private to do more when Milo arrived.”

“Jensen, you managed to bag him already? You sly dog.”

“Well, yeah, kind of … almost. But I suppose I’ve missed my chance. They did go into that room together.” Jensen pointed at the door behind him.

“Dude, you don’t have anything to worry about unless they emerge from there with stupid grins on their faces.”

Even though Jensen wanted to leave most of all, Chris refused to allow him to. Not only because he wanted him to wait to see what would happened between Jared and Milo, but also because he had something going with Gen whose full name was Genevieve, Jensen finally learned. 

“Just happy your name isn’t Jennifer,” he said and Chris giggled like a little girl while Gen and Sophia looked at each other like they’d gone crazy.

No one seemed to be willing to discuss the fight earlier but Sandy kept giving Jensen funny looks. He wondered if she was mad at him for getting her friend to cheat on his boyfriend. A part of him wanted to defend his honor but then again he really didn’t have any honor left to defend as such. He was a stalker extraordinaire who might or might not have broken up two people who might just have had a good relationship if he hadn't shown up.

Or maybe not. He hadn’t really done anything. It was Jared who had flirted with him in the first place and Jared who had kissed him. Jared who had planned to take things further. Jensen shifted a tiny bit in his seat, feeling his fantasies bubbling at the edge of his consciousness. 

He looked up in the direction of the hallway, waiting for Jared to appear.

“Relax,” Chris murmured. Easy for him to say, with a girl almost sitting in his lap. A girl who probably didn’t have a boyfriend. Jensen only gave Chris a painful grimace as an answer.

What if Jared would break up with Milo, what then? It didn’t necessarily mean that he would come running to Jensen and confess his undying love. In fact, the best Jensen could hope for was to become a rebound fuck or something like that. Besides, he lived in Dallas and Jared here in San Antonio and it was a five hour drive. Long distance relationships never worked out, did they?

He looked down at the bottle in his hands; he didn’t remember who had handed it to him, maybe Chad, and was about to disappear into his mind.

“Jensen,” Chris tapped his arm and he looked up. Jared was standing there, looking somewhat subdued. 

“I think he wants to talk to you.”

Like in a trance, Jensen got up and walk towards Jared who pointed him to follow him through to the kitchen.

“Milo is in our room,” he began and Jensen saw that the rims of Jared’s eyes were red like he’d been crying. “He’s packing. I broke up with him. God, I feel … I mean, we should have broken up months ago but I mean … you must think I’m the biggest cheater that cheats. I don’t want to make excuses but I’m obviously crap at knowing when to break up with someone. Oh god, I’m sorry. I don’t want to dump this all on you.”

Jensen stood there, looking up at Jared, with his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans, wanting most of all to hug Jared.

“No, no, I want to listen to you but I also understand if you don’t want to … see me again … like that.”

“Shit, I just … I’m not going to drag you to the sack I like I wanted earlier but if you don’t think I’m the world’s biggest douchebag, I kind of want to meet you again.”

“If it’s not too soon, I’d love to meet you tomorrow.” Jensen chewed a bit on his bottom lip, wondering if he was being too forward.

He wasn’t. He had a date.


	4. Chapter 4

It would have been preferable to find some more refined metaphors for his nerves than ‘shitting bricks’ but he couldn’t find anything better to say when Chris asked him how he was feeling.

“Jensen, relax, you know the guy likes you – so much that he’d rather make out with you than patch things up with his boyfriend. Just take it easy. I doubt he’s ready to get engaged or whatever right away.”

Chris was probably right, he should just try and relax and enjoy his date. It wasn’t like they were going to a fancy restaurant. They were meeting for lunch at some café on the River Walk. It would be chicken club sandwiches and beer and a bit of sunshine. 

Nothing to panic over.

And when he met Jared, he felt the nerves melt away. They fell so easily into flowing conversation, first only touching on the lighter subject matters such as sports and music but then Jensen could sense that Jared wanted to talk about Milo.

“I should just get a t-shirt or something that says that I’m the kind of idiot that talks about exes all the time.” Jared looked a bit abashed.

“Hey, you just broke up with him yesterday and I kind of was there and at least I was some kind of an instigator or something.”

“You know, even though last night doesn’t count as one of the best nights of my life, I think I’m glad I met you. I finally had the push I needed to end things with Milo. The relationship was dead long before he got gung-ho about me knowing all about literary theory – I don’t really know when it died exactly. I just know that kissing you last night was so vastly different from kissing Milo. I felt tingly down to my toes, I couldn’t get enough.” Jared was smiling, a big, joyous smile and Jensen felt warm – like it wasn’t only the sunshine heating his skin but another kind of warmth.

“I’m going to be honest, I don’t know if I can handle a relationship right now.” 

Jensen had figured out that much, he wasn’t surprised and besides, was he ready for a proper relationship himself? Couple of weeks ago he’d been mostly straight as far as he knew and even though Jared appeared to be everything he’d dreamed of, he was a real person with all the baggage a real person has. It was probably safest to aim for the slow burn – dating even if it did mean weekend drives and all that – yeah, safest but at the moment he really didn’t want to go for the safest option. He now had a taste of playing unsafe and keeping to a slow burn meant no sex for a long while.

“Hey, I’m not waiting to run into some relationship either. All I know is that I really like you.” There, he’d said it. Though saying he liked Jared was only telling him a fraction of the story, it was out there that he wasn’t going along with this merely because Jared was the closest warm body but because he wanted him.

“Good to have that established because I really like you as well.” Jared was actually smirking and Jensen couldn’t help but laugh.

Even if the conversation had been easy and amicable before, their admissions gave them more fluidity; like they had known each other forever. Jensen even found himself watching Jared as he explained some crazy job he’d had to work on for some rich people at some ranch. He was like a one man act, explaining with his hands, his face all animated and when he came with the punchline, the dimples on his face grew deep as he opened his mouth wide in laughter.

Somewhere after Jensen had told Jared about one of Mike’s crazier hi-jinks, Jared reached for his hand. It felt kind of strange to be holding his hand outside at a café, even though they were shielded from the passersby on the River Walk by a handsome bush in a pot. It felt so strangely intimate to hold hands like that; Jared’s long fingers woven through his. Jensen had never though he had small hands but Jared’s hands were so big and they felt safe somehow.

“I really, really want to kiss you right now,” said Jared. “This is one of the few things I hate about being gay, not being able to kiss in public. Well, in public like this.”

There was a certain mischievous look on Jared’s face, his eyebrows were arched and there was a glint in his eyes like he had the devil in him. He got up and turned to the next waitress and paid her, probably enough so she’d have a handsome tip, and then beckoned Jensen to follow him. They headed away from the River Walk and soon found themselves in a small park. It was the kind of park most people just walked through without stopping, maybe sat on a bench for a couple of minutes to rest their tired legs but not one of those parks where people played with frisbees or sunbathed. Which was probably the reason why Jared thought it was an excellent place to hide behind a couple of bushes and make out.

Jared was an excellent kisser. He didn’t start with a bang but Jensen had never liked people who wanted to shove their tongues down his throat right away. Funny how many girls thought that was something he’d appreciate. While Jared was definitely passionate from the get-go he didn’t demand entry to Jensen’s mouth right away. He seemed to be contented to have their lips touching, pressing firmly with the tiniest bit of suction that pulled something up within him, a sort of brightness that now burned in his chest. 

It ended up being Jensen himself who coaxed Jared to open his mouth, lapping ever so slightly at his lips until he felt Jared smile into the kiss, their tongues barely touching. The gradual build-up of the kiss was mirrored in how they slowly sank down to the ground, wrapping themselves around each other, embracing, fingers twisting in each other’s hair. It was intimate and warming. They weren’t going to go any further at this point, were only going to enjoy how they could melt against each other, how their mouths fit perfectly together.

Jensen had managed to drive most of his conscious thoughts away, those which would weigh him down and ruin the moment. He was in the here and now, in the arms of the man who had been haunting his sleeping and waking dreams, and it was the reality that made every fiber in him vibrate with something he was pretty sure was happiness.

And he wasn’t going to pick it apart. At least not then and there.

+++

 

They did end up going to a fancy restaurant that very night. Maybe it wasn’t a fancy restaurant per se, it was a steak house, but Jensen had gone to the trouble of wearing his best jeans and a nice button-down and even having a proper shave.  
As he came out of the bathroom, Chris gave him approving smile.

“You are so going to have loads and loads of gay sex. Please don’t think of me.”

Jensen just laughed. Chris would probably be safe – there were many other things he’d rather think of during sex than his best friend.

At the steak house he and Jared got a nice big booth and Jared made the most of it by stretching along the bench, almost leaning into Jensen. 

“I like having this much space.”

_If it’s wrong to think the 26 year old guy you are hoping to have sex with is adorable, then I don’t want to be right._

All through the waiting for the food and the eating, Jared kept touching Jensen, always making it look inconspicuous but still doing enough to drive Jensen crazy. He was sure he would explode when Jared had obviously taken off one of his shoes and was now moving his foot up Jensen’s leg while making steak eating appear to be a pornographic act.

“You are driving me insane,” he whispered when Jared had started stroking his inner thigh with his foot.

“That’s the plan,” Jared replied and winked.

Jensen looked down at the half-eaten entrecote steak in front of him. It was delicious, cooked to perfection, but he really wanted to push away the plate and shout at Jared to take him then and there. And Jared would probably take him on the offer right then, usher him into the men’s room and they’d have wild sex in one of the stalls where Jared would jack them both off with his big hands.

The mere thought got him painfully hard.

Jared kept on smiling innocently as he ate. Was the guy made out of rock-solid self-control?

Huffing, Jensen tried to keep eating but he wasn’t hungry any more, at least not for steak. As he was trying not to stare at Jared, he scanned the restaurant.

Sitting at a table not far from him was someone wearing a trench coat and with a familiar face. Jensen didn’t recognize him immediately. Looking closer, he saw it was the guy who was an assistant to the private investigator he’d hired, had the sort of Russian name that sounded kind of girly – was it Misha? And the guy was watching him.

Jensen felt panic creep in. What the hell was this about? He didn’t owe them, did he? They had his credit card info and the last time he’d checked (which had been that morning), the card was far from being maxed out. Or had they dragged something up about Jared? Something sinister, like he’d been convicted for drug smuggling or something like that?

He got up and excused himself to Jared, telling him he was going to the men’s room. 

Misha apparently was there with the intent to talk to him, because ten seconds after Jensen had walked into the men’s room, Misha followed.

“What are you doing here?” Jensen asked, feeling like he’d been spied on.

“Mr. Morgan wanted to me to check up on you. See if you needed any further assistance.”

“I don’t need anyone babysitting me,” Jensen spat out. Meeting Misha here was a bit too harsh of a reminder that he indeed had gone to extremes to find Jared, invading his privacy even.

“This is just an offer of assistance but if you don’t require our services, then I bid you farewell,” Misha said, his voice monotonous with the slightest hint of an accent, turning and sweeping out of the men’s room. Jensen was left, feeling confused and strangely ashamed. Only minutes before he had wanted Jared to ravish him but now he almost felt like fleeing. 

_Get yourself together, Jensen. You probably would have ended in an asylum if you hadn’t tried to find Jared and you needed those guys for that._

Trying that thing from the movies with splashing water on his face, he attempted to clear his head before going back. His head really didn’t feel any clearer but he wasn’t going to run like some idiot. Plus Jared would probably get him worked up in no time.

Stepping out of the men’s room, he met up with Jared a little sooner than he had anticipated. Jared appeared to have been waiting outside and he didn’t look very happy.

“Who was that? That guy in the trench coat?”

Caught by surprise, Jensen couldn’t think of anything to say, though he knew his face was betraying that he had some kind of a secret.

“Is he your pimp or something like that?” Jared’s hair was falling into his face and he looked liked he’d been played in a game of poker.

“My pimp? What the hell?” Jensen’s sense of guilt almost disappeared.

“Yeah, is he your pimp? You cruise around looking for guys to hook up with and then you know, blackmail them into paying you for sex or something?” Jared apparently didn’t find this ridiculous at all.

But this was also the point where Jensen realized he had to come clean, he wasn’t going to able to explain Misha away as an acquaintance. 

“Jared, I owe you an explanation. See, Misha there, the guy in the trench coat, is a PI – or works for a PI, something like that. Uh … yeah, I kind of hired them,” Jensen said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Hired them for what?” Jared’s eyes were narrowed and his voice only a couple of decibels over whispering.

“Finding you.” Jensen tried to make it sound not too creepy.

“Find me?” Jared looked horrified.

“Uh, yeah. I was kind of looking for you.”

“Were you stalking me?” Jared’s face seemed full of hurt and betrayal. Jensen didn’t know what to say, raking through his brain to give Jared some kind of a coherent answer, but Jared didn’t seem to want to wait for that. He gave Jensen a strange look, the kind that almost cut into Jensen’s insides and strode away.

Jensen stood rooted to the floor for few moments, feeling like the world had fallen down around him. He had blown it completely. He could fold and give and he probably should. But some damned spark inside his chest refused to die out – told him to fight.

He sprinted out of the restaurant, making a silent promise to return to pay the bill. When he was outside he stopped for a second, looking up and down the street and there, several yards down the street, he saw Jared who was walking with big strides but not so big that Jensen believed it impossible to catch up with him.

So he ran. He had gone running every now and then so he had some modicum of stamina but perhaps not for crazy sprinting like what he was doing now. Gaining on Jared he hoped that Jared wouldn’t start running away from him. He needed that last chance like he needed oxygen to live.

Jared probably had heard him running behind but he neither stopped nor started walking faster. In fact, he seemed determined to ignore Jensen, even when he was right at his side and Jensen knew he would have to get straight down to business.

“I have this house,” he managed to pant as he slowed down to match his speed with Jared’s. 

Obviously Jared hadn’t expected Jensen to start talking real estate, so he stopped, looking at Jensen with a mix of anger and curiosity.

“Yeah, so this house is what most people would call a fixer-upper, it’s kind of a hovel really, if I’m going to be honest. And you know, everything malfunctions in this house – I’m forever changing leaky faucets and getting the wiring fixed. So one Sunday morning, the garage door opener didn’t work and when I tried to close the garage door, it hit me on the head and knocked me out.”

“I can’t see how getting knocked out has anything to do with you stalking me. Get to the point or I’ll call the police.” 

“I’m getting to the point,” Jensen said hurriedly, still trying to breathe normally. “So I was unconscious for few hours. And I dreamt. I dreamt I was me but not really, I was this TV actor and you were there and you were a TV actor as well. And we … we were lovers. I dreamt about us having sex.”

“Look, I’m not going to listen to your stalker fantasies. Good bye, Jensen. Don’t contact me again.” Jared started turning away.

“No wait, you see, I had no idea you even existed at all when this happened.” 

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Jared said.

“No, I know. But I’m telling the truth and Chris can be my witness and if he’s not enough, there are others who can at least verify the dream thing. And you talked to me and Chris first, remember?”

Jared stared at him, seemingly trying to determine what brand of crazy Jensen was.

“So if I’m pretending that what you are telling me is the truth, then what’s the deal with using a PI to find me?”

“Well, you’re going to think I’m pathetic. Or more pathetic than you already think I am. That dream I had while unconscious, it was really intense and when I woke up, I remembered every single detail and I couldn’t forget about it. I had no idea whether you existed or not but I just couldn’t forget you … and the sex we had.” Jensen whispered the last part. “I could hardly function at work, anywhere really. I mean, I even tried to hook up with this girl I know who is smoking hot. Seriously, men’s magazine hot. But all I could think about was you. So I cracked and tried to find you and I did find you on Facebook but you know, I kind of had to be sure so that’s why I hired a PI. It’s not like I had your house staked out or anything like that.”

He realized he kept rubbing his face while explaining this to Jared so he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“I know you have no reason to trust me on this but please do, I don’t want to lie to you. So I got the information from the PI about where you lived and such and it was actually Chris who suggested we’d go down here to San Antonio. Even though I knew where you lived and stuff, I never went to seek out your place. You just walked into the café where we were, like it was some kind of destiny.” Jensen looked at Jared, hoping that his face was conveying how sincerely he meant what he was saying.

“Every shred of common sense in me is telling me to run away from you but shit, I want to give you a second chance. Hell, I want to know if reality can match up with your dream.” Jared looked almost bemused, like he couldn’t believe what he was about to do and neither could Jensen. He simply stared in awe as Jared cupped his face and kissed him right there out on the street.

A dream couldn’t surpass this.


	5. Epilogue

They tumbled into the apartment, giggling like little kids. 

“You think they’ll notice we left?” Jensen kind of wheezed as he tried to catch his breath.

“If they did, I think they know why we left and I don’t think they’ll bother us,” Jared said as he struggled to pull off his boots. They were both drunk; not too drunk, but most definitely buzzed. They had left Chris, Chad and the girls at some bar, Jensen didn’t know the name of it but he remembered that Jared had suggested either they’d start doing body shots or just head back to his place. Even if Jensen would have loved to lick tequila off of Jared’s body he wanted to get into his pants more. It seemed that Jared was thinking along the same lines. 

“Don’t strip off all your clothes before we get to the bedroom.” Jared was now buttoning down his shirt right there in the hallway and Jensen really didn’t want him to do that right away. It was like Christmas had come early and he wanted to unwrap his present in private.

“OK, ok, I just … fuck …” Jared didn’t finish what he was saying, he grabbed Jensen and half-dragged him to a bedroom, his bedroom. Jensen was horny enough to ignore a few stray thoughts about it having been Milo’s room as well until couple of days ago.

Jared’s bed was large with a heavy dark wooden frame. It kind of looked like it had been made to have sex in, a thought that made Jensen blush.

“I made it, you know,” said Jared, seeing Jensen’s glaze. “I’m kind of proud of it.” He turned to Jensen and pulled him towards him.

Licking his lips, Jensen reached to finish unbuttoning Jared’s shirt. He still remembered how perfect the body of the dream Jared had been and from what he felt when he’d touched Jared, the real version was probably just as perfect.

His own shirt disappeared as well; Jared seemed to be just as keen to see what lurked underneath Jensen’s clothes.

As soon Jared’s shirt hit the floor Jensen didn’t feel shy at all to touch him, drag his fingers over the smooth skin and hard muscles. His body was beautiful, all defined muscles and so perfectly proportionate. His favorite part was that wonderful groove running from his hips down his groin and nothing could keep his hands away, though Jared didn’t seem to be averse to being touched like that.

“God, yes, Jensen, touch me,” he said as he ran his fingers through Jensen’s hair and pulled his head back so he could kiss, lick and nip at his throat.

He couldn’t get enough of touching Jared’s skin but he wanted to explore further, and filled with an almost alien sense of courage, he allowed his hands to wander down the front of Jared’s jeans and underneath his boxers, palming his dick which felt huge and half-hard to the touch. A small part of Jensen’s mind marveled at his own gall – being so forward.

While it felt strange to be touching another man’s cock, he couldn’t get enough. Buttoning down Jared’s jeans and pushing down his boxers, he took Jared’s cock in his hand again. Not wanting to seem like he didn’t have a clue what he was doing, he started tentatively to jerk Jared off, trying to do the things he liked when he masturbated.

Either he was doing something right or Jared was stupidly polite because he was arching into Jensen’s touch and breathing puffs of air into Jensen’s neck. Shifting, Jensen fell flush against Jared’s side, rubbing himself against his thigh in tandem with his stroking.

“Oh hell, if you keep this up, I’m going to come,” Jared murmured in a husky voice.

Jensen looked at him and chuckled.

“You aren’t just saying this to make me feel better? I’m a total novice at this.”

“Fuck, no. Jensen …” Jared almost whined his name and Jensen believed him because Jared grabbed his face and kissed him hard with an open mouth, practically tongue-fucking him. Jensen’s knees went weak and if Jared hadn’t been holding on to him, he might have slid down to the floor.

Breaking the kiss and panting, Jared looked at him with impossibly dark eyes. Maybe Jensen was hallucinating but that had to be unbridled lust.

“Bed,” Jared growled and pulled Jensen to the bed. They were lying on their sides as Jared struggled to shed the rest of his clothes and Jensen followed suit, tiny tremors shaking his body. 

Jared rolled them over, placing himself on top of Jensen and catching his lips in another kiss. Embracing Jared, Jensen pulled him closer, wanting their bodies to touch as much as possible. He really liked the feeling of the other man’s skin next to his; the soft spots, the rougher bits, the delicious friction.

Feeling Jared’s hard dick rub against his, albeit at an off-angle, was amazing. Jensen tried to twist for a better angle but Jared seemed to have other ideas.

“C’mere,” he said, his voice a rumble as he pushed Jensen higher in the bed, quickly marking his way down Jensen’s body with his mouth, tongue and teeth, licking and biting. Jensen inhaled sharply as Jared scraped the soft skin on his belly with his teeth. 

His cock was hard and leaking and when Jared started licking the pre-come off the head, a buzzing fog hazed Jensen’s mind, blocking out everything but the strokes of Jared’s wonderfully broad and talented tongue. Never bringing Jensen’s dick into his mouth, Jared instead lapped at it, mouthing the length like it was a popsicle. Small darts of current shot up Jensen’s spine, making him arch ever so slightly, increasing when Jared moved his hand down to his balls, rolling them in sync with every lick up and down Jensen’s cock. 

This was getting him wound up as a coiled spring, Jared playing him like a virtuoso played his instrument. 

“Please,” Jensen keened. He wasn’t sure if he could withstand more, wasn't sure when everything would go into overload and when every cluster of nerves would burn out.

“What do you want, Jensen? Tell me,” said Jared, lifting his head ever so slightly and thus removing his mouth from Jensen’s cock and giving his nerves a bit of a breather. 

“You …” he gasped. What did he want? “I want to … come, please.”

Jensen didn’t see Jared’s face but he could swear he sensed a wicked smile.

The next thing he knew was that his dick was enveloped in the wet heat of Jared’s mouth and his large hand was holding him firmly at the root, Jared moving his head rapidly up and down, his tongue hitting the ridge of the glans on every stroke. Jensen could feel his cock getting wet with Jared’s saliva, spit running down into his pubic hair. Then Jared brought his hand up, jacking Jensen with a couple of brisk strokes before taking his dick deeper into his mouth, his spit-wet fingers moving down Jensen’s perineum, down his cleft. Automatically he arched into the touch, curving his spine further when Jared brought his middle finger to his anus, circling it, teasing it and then pressing in, as gently as possible. Sucking his breath in, Jensen knew he should try to relax but it was hard.

Jared did his best to make it easier, using his free hand to push down on Jensen’s stomach and using his tongue in the most ingenious ways on Jensen’s dick, raking the sensitive underside, dipping into the slit.

And Jensen was caught in a crossfire of sensations, between the exquisite feeling of having his cock inside Jared’s mouth and his finger pushing inside him, teasing him, and then it was like a flash bomb had gone off in his head. Jared was touching a spot inside him – a spot hitherto unknown to him – which was obviously the gate to the most intense pleasure.

Losing all concept of time and space, he heard a loud moaning which he supposed had to be coming from him, but all he could feel was the hot rush in his veins, the roaring of his blood, the white hot blindness wrecking him as his climax hit him in big broad waves.

Opening his eyes, he looked up at Jared who was now braced above him and bending his head down to catch his lips in a kiss. Tasting himself on Jared’s lips Jensen smiled. He liked how brazen Jared was, how he just went for it, and he hoped Jared would just take the liberty of fucking him now while he was still spiraling down from his orgasm. 

“I haven’t come yet, you know,” Jared whispered into his ear as soon as he broke the kiss. Quickly he rolled off Jensen to reach for something and Jensen’s breath hitched in excitement. Jared was going to fuck him.

After fetching a bottle of lube and a condom, Jared wasn’t rushing like Jensen had anticipated. He took his time in kissing Jensen, wet, open-mouth kisses, sometimes even chewing his lips as he took the time to prep him, slowly opening him up. Jensen would have protested and told him he was open enough but he felt how hard he clamped down on Jared when he only had a couple of fingers up his ass. Even if he was still feeling soft and pliable from his climax, he was so utterly virginal.

There was no urgency burning in him but he was getting impatient, hooking his legs over Jared’s hips, attempting to make it clear to him that he was ready.

“Turn over,” Jared demanded as he rose to put on the condom. A shiver went through Jensen as he flopped to his stomach. Feeling Jared’s hands on his hips, pulling him to his knees was making him hard again. Jared rubbed his dick on his ass before lining it up to push inside of Jensen.

When Jared breached him, Jensen inhaled deeply, welcoming the flaring in his muscles as Jared sank in. It was a sweet pain, burning up to his chest, making him grunt and hiss.

“You okay?” Jared whispered as he bottomed out, his groin pressing into Jensen’s ass.

Unable to speak, Jensen hoped that Jared would interpret his grunt as a positive one, because he really needed Jared to move. As Jared slid back, Jensen exhaled and allowed himself to feel the sting of emptiness before he was filled again.

“God, you are so tight, I can’t … I have to …” Jared moaned as he pulled Jensen up, making him brace himself against the headboard. 

Jared began to thrust hard and fast. It burned and it brought pleasure and Jensen felt sweat pearl on his forehead. The rhythm wasn’t at a perfect tempo but every stroke had Jensen rolling his eyes almost into the back of his head.

“Now, now,” Jared chanted and Jensen knew he was close. His own cock was being ignored but that wasn’t important. He wanted to feel Jared come because of him. He wanted to feel that last thrust. He wanted his name on Jared’s lips.

And he received. 

Jared came, exhaling Jensen’s name again and again. Jensen kept still, feeling Jared shaking and then pulling back, bringing Jensen with him.

Tumbling down to the bed, Jared took Jensen in his arms.

“Want me to take care of you?”

Sure, Jensen was still hard but he was keener on lying there in the post-coital haze and just feel. Feel Jared and feel so powerful for bringing him to a roaring orgasm. Shaking his head, he simply snuggled closer to Jared.

“We definitely must repeat this,” said Jared after few moments. “Even if we simply end up as long distance friends with benefits.”

“Or you can be my hot handyman who comes at weekends to fix my house and then I pay you with this.”

“I think I saw a porno like that once.” Jensen felt the vibrations from Jared’s laughter.

“You’ve a filthy mind, Padalecki.”

“Yeah, and an even filthier mouth,” Jared said, reaching to kiss Jensen.

_Yeah, I agree with that._

-fin


End file.
